Band 4.5 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 4.5 · Cambridge IELTS 16 · 2026-10-31

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar.

Do you agree or disagree?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Student answer (Band 4.5)

To comence the demonstrate instructions of many produing food and drinks items contains big level of sugar , which causes the issue of healthy diseases , I strongly agree with the statement , because is much a significant fact our human begin.

Overall it is clear that to comperhensive ,Nowdays in markets sell many diffierent eating product to shops , whereas the popoulation also quickly growing and this ia bid problem of world . In world run diffiernt factories to make eating item have high level of sugar and this thinks eat daily base, is effect to our boby . To illustrate the chlidern to take heavy sugar in biscutes they badly effect the health of chlids,the parent worried about babies .

On the other hand when go outside in bakries to eat haevy sugar cakes and diffiernt sweets , is extremly harmful our body , Morever other diseaes can attack our body we are not physical fits and waste time or money , If avoid the sugar item individual save life and devote good and family is so happy , Futhermore the authorties administratio can control the dirty factory and checks the high sugar product in market this good action to community, and every person to help this action since they completly avoid the bad items.

In conclusion , the heavy sugar products to attack the human body and invited more diseases

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response: Band 4.0

You state a clear position in the opening—“I strongly agree”—and refer to relevant concerns, including children eating sugary biscuits and possible health effects. However, the response only minimally develops the task: it does not explain clearly how making products more expensive would reduce consumption, and the discussion shifts to factory inspections and avoiding sweets without connecting these points to the proposed price increase. The conclusion repeats that sugar harms health but does not summarise a developed argument. The response is also 17 words below the required minimum, leaving limited space to explain and support your reasons. To strengthen the answer, directly discuss the likely effect of higher prices and support each main point with a specific example.

Coherence and Cohesion: Band 4.5

There is an attempt to organise the response into an introduction, two body paragraphs and a conclusion, and linking expressions such as “On the other hand,” “Moreover” and “Furthermore” show awareness of cohesion. However, the ideas do not progress clearly: the second body paragraph begins as a contrast but continues with similar arguments about sugar being harmful, then moves to government inspections. Several sentences contain multiple loosely connected points, making relationships between ideas difficult to follow. For example, the sentence about avoiding sugary items, saving life, and making the family happy combines claims without explaining their links. Use one central idea per paragraph, arrange supporting details in a logical order, and choose transitions that accurately show the relationship between points.

Lexical Resource: Band 4.5

You attempt vocabulary relevant to the topic, including “high level of sugar,” “harmful,” “diseases” and “authorities,” and you try to vary expressions rather than relying on one repeated term. However, frequent spelling errors and inaccurate or unnatural word combinations make the message difficult to read, as in “comperhensive,” “popoulation,” “heavy sugar cakes” and “physical fits.” Some phrases also do not express the intended meaning clearly, such as “devote good.” These issues show that vocabulary control is not yet reliable, even though the general topic can usually be identified. Focus on accurate spelling and natural collocations, and use straightforward phrases such as “sugary foods,” “health problems” and “maintain good health” before attempting more elaborate wording.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 4.5

You attempt both simple statements and longer sentences, and the response includes some clauses linked with “because,” “whereas” and “when.” However, sentence structures are frequently incomplete or inaccurately formed, which sometimes obscures meaning. For example, “because is much a significant fact our human begin” lacks a clear grammatical structure, while “the population also quickly growing” is missing an auxiliary verb. There are also recurring problems with subject–verb agreement, articles and sentence boundaries, as in “many … items contains” and the long sentence beginning “In world run different factories.” Build accurate simple sentences first, checking that each has a subject and verb, then add subordinate clauses and review agreement, articles and punctuation.

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