Band 4.5 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 4.5 · Cambridge IELTS 16 · 2026-11-02

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar.

Do you agree or disagree?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Student answer (Band 4.5)

It is often argued that a lot of manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes creats many physical health issues. Sugar products would be made more affordable to encourage individual to consume less sugar. This essay will discuss both views agree and disagree. I am consider formal latter notion because high sugar effect our health.

First and foremost, many manufactured production food and drink products they contain high levels sugar. To explain it, few individuals mixed high levels of sugar the msin reason is that they consumes customers their shops, people always buying highly sugar products to eating . For example, there are clear reasons why people buying always contain high sugar products because every shops production high sugar food and drink therefore, individuals are week to buying this product especially people are eating in their childhood high sugar food and drink. As a result, after eating that high sugar food and drink its effects our old age it will be generated higher symptoms in our old age.

Secondly, some people try to told people less contain sugar in food drink To explanation, if we are suppor teach other people to reduce high sugar. For instance, some ndividuals are not like it high sugar the main reason is that some people already suffering from sugar and others symptoms. Hence, we are pick the noise to manufactured doesn't mixed the high sugar food and drink. Subsequently, our life will be save and not take any symptoms causes.

In conclusion, although there are minor arguments against this, I strongly believe that in my opinion manufactured production good and drink less included sugar because high sugar effect our body.

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response: Band 4.0

You introduce the topic and give a position, saying you support the latter notion because sugar affects health. However, the task asks whether sugary products should be made more expensive, and your essay does not clearly discuss or defend that policy. The opening says products should be made “more affordable,” which reverses the proposal, while the body focuses on sugar in products and educating people rather than explaining how higher prices might reduce consumption. The conclusion says products should contain less sugar, but does not resolve the pricing question. Examples about childhood consumption and people already suffering from health problems are relevant to sugar’s effects, yet they are unclear and not sufficiently explained. Develop reasons directly linked to price and state your position consistently.

Coherence and Cohesion: Band 4.5

The response has a recognisable essay shape, with an introduction, two body paragraphs signalled by “First and foremost” and “Secondly,” and a conclusion. This gives the reader some broad direction. However, progression within paragraphs is difficult to follow: the first body paragraph moves from manufacturers and customers to childhood eating and old-age symptoms without clear links. The second shifts from teaching people to asking manufacturers to change products, so its central point is uncertain. Connectors such as “To explain it,” “For example,” and “Subsequently” are used, but they do not consistently clarify the relationship between ideas. Use one main claim per paragraph, then explain it in a logical sequence, with clear references to who is acting and what the result is.

Lexical Resource: Band 4.5

You use some topic-related vocabulary, including “manufactured,” “high levels of sugar,” “health issues,” and “symptoms,” and you attempt phrases such as “physical health issues.” However, vocabulary is repetitive and often imprecise, which makes several points hard to understand. Expressions such as “highly sugar products,” “pick the noise,” and “manufactured production” do not communicate the intended meaning naturally. There are also spelling and word-form problems, including “creats,” “msin,” and “ndividuals.” Aim for accurate collocations and use a wider set of relevant terms, such as “sugar-sweetened products,” “reduce consumption,” and “health risks.” Check spelling and word forms carefully, especially in key claims.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 4.5

You attempt both simple and longer sentences, and the essay uses basic linking clauses, for example “because high sugar effect our health.” However, sentence structures are frequently faulty, and errors sometimes obscure the intended meaning. Examples include “many manufactured production food and drink products they contain,” where the subject is repeated, and “people always buying,” which lacks a correctly formed verb. Subject–verb agreement and verb forms are also inconsistent, as in “they consumes” and “our life will be save.” Articles and sentence boundaries need attention too; the opening contains a run-on sequence, and punctuation is missing in places. Practise building accurate simple sentences first, then combine them with controlled clauses using “because,” “although,” and “if.”

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