Band 4.5 IELTS Writing Task 1 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 4.5 · Cambridge IELTS 19 · 2026-11-02

IELTS Writing Task 1 question

The graph below gives information on the numbers of participants for different activities at one social centre in Melbourne, Australia for the period 2000 to 2020.

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

 

 

Student answer (Band 4.5)

The given pie chart show that number of participants for different activities at one social centre in melbourne.ther many factor behind this phenomena which has both postive and negative .

first and formost is number of participants show higher number is film club their was 65 this is higher in 2000 year. and their was same number in 2020 year show that many people intrested in film club. second is martial arts their was number is 38 participants and in 2010 the was increased their was 40. then the number are the same position their was 38 in 2020 year. another one is amateur dramatis their was number is 25 in 2000 year but number increased by 2 in 2005. but after that the number was decline down in 2020 the number was 5. table tennis number of participants was 18 in 2000,but after that the number is increased their was is 52 participants in 2020. last one is musical performances in year 2000 their was on one participants. but after that in 2010 increased by 10 . people was intrested in music performances in 2020 their was number is 20.

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response: Band 4.5

You identify all five activities and report several broad patterns, including the film club remaining popular and table tennis rising while amateur dramatics declines. However, the response does not provide a clear overview of the main features, and it gives a sequence of individual comments rather than selecting and comparing the most important trends. Some figures are inaccurate: film club is about 64 in 2000 and 66 in 2020, not 65 in both years; martial arts is about 38 in 2010 and 36 in 2020; musical performances begin at zero, not one. The claim that martial arts increased to 40 is also unsupported. Focus on accurate key figures and explicitly compare the strongest rises, falls and stable series.

Coherence and Cohesion: Band 4.0

The response follows a recognisable order, moving through the activities one by one, and words such as “first,” “another one” and “last one” help signal that sequence. However, the ideas are not arranged into clear paragraphs, and there is no distinct introduction or overview to guide the reader through the graph’s main message. Connections between details are often unclear, as in “then the number are the same position,” and several sentences run together with full stops or commas used inconsistently. Grouping the information into an introduction, an overview and two detail paragraphs would create clearer progression. Use linking expressions to show contrasts and changes over time, rather than relying mainly on list-like sequencing.

Lexical Resource: Band 4.5

You use some relevant vocabulary for describing data, including “increased,” “decline” and “participants,” so the reader can generally identify the trends you intend to report. However, the range is basic and repetitive, with frequent reliance on “number,” “their was” and “after that.” Several word choices or collocations are unclear, such as “same position” and “increased by 2,” while spelling errors including “intrested,” “dramatis” and “phenomena” reduce accuracy. Aim to use a more precise range of trend language and check spelling carefully. For example, describe a figure as remaining stable, rising sharply or falling steadily, and use “the number of participants” rather than repeating “number” without a clear reference.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 4.5

Most sentences use simple structures, and the reader can often understand the intended comparisons, but grammatical errors are frequent and sometimes make relationships between figures difficult to follow. Examples include “The given pie chart show,” “their was 65,” and “in 2010 the was increased,” which show problems with subject–verb agreement, sentence construction and verb forms. Articles and prepositions are also often missing or misplaced, as in “in 2000 year.” Punctuation and capitalisation are inconsistent, including the run-on opening “melbourne.ther many factor.” Practise accurate simple sentences first, then combine them with clauses such as “while” and “whereas.” Check each sentence for a clear subject, a correctly formed verb and appropriate punctuation.

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