Band 5.5 IELTS Writing Task 1 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 5.5 · Cambridge IELTS 19 · 2026-11-09

IELTS Writing Task 1 question

 

You started in your present job two years ago. You now feel it is important for your career development to move to a different department in the same company.

Write a letter to your manager. In your letter

• say what you have learned in your present job
• suggest how the company would benefit from moving you to a different department
• explain why you do not wish to leave the company

You do NOT need to write any addresses.

Begin your letter as follows:

Dear ....................................,

Student answer (Band 5.5)

Dear Manager,

Application for a Higher Position in my Company

I am delighted working with G&G groups of company,I have learnt alot of things working with this organization, some of things i learnt here is respects,one must show regard to his senior,notwithstanding, comparetion this company act as one family and am so happy about it,

I will be pleased if my request is approve in the department of reading and writting with the level of my education, I think i will do better in that area, and it will be a great benefits to the organization, whereby i will work full time unlike my order group.

I have other company requesting i should work with them, but on a second thought i have been with this groups for a long period of time and i am well treated here,the company have helped me and i have also help the group up to this stage

I am looking forward for a positve respones from you Sir.

Yours' Faithfuly

Joy

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response: Band 5.5

You address the main purpose by requesting a move to another department, describing what you have learned, and explaining why you want to remain with the company. The points about learning respect and feeling treated well are relevant, and you mention that your education could suit the new department. However, the request is not fully clear: “Application for a Higher Position” suggests promotion, while the task asks for a transfer, and “department of reading and writing” does not explain the role or department precisely. The company’s benefit is asserted rather than developed; explain how your skills or experience would help its work. Your reason for staying is present, but could be more specific and persuasive. Clarifying these points would make the response more complete and focused.

Coherence and Cohesion: Band 5.5

The letter has a recognisable sequence: it describes your current experience, makes a request, gives a reason for staying, and closes politely. Paragraph breaks help separate these functions. However, progression within the paragraphs is sometimes difficult to follow because several ideas are joined in long, loosely connected sentences. For example, the opening moves from what you learned to respect, seniority, and the company being like a family without clearly showing how these points relate. Connectors such as “notwithstanding” do not express the intended relationship, and “whereby” is used awkwardly to introduce the benefit. Use shorter sentences and clearer links such as “In addition” or “As a result,” and make each paragraph focus on one main point.

Lexical Resource: Band 5.0

You use some vocabulary relevant to a workplace letter, including “organization,” “department,” “education,” and “treated.” These choices allow the reader to identify the general subject and your intentions. However, the range is limited, and several word choices or collocations are inaccurate or unclear, such as “Application for a Higher Position,” “department of reading and writing,” and “my order group.” Spelling errors, including “alot,” “comparetion,” “writting,” and “positve respones,” also make the letter less polished. Aim for precise workplace expressions such as “transfer to another department,” “current team,” and “positive response.” Proofreading spelling and choosing natural collocations would improve clarity and appropriateness.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 5.0

The response attempts some longer sentence forms, including “I think i will do better in that area, and it will be a great benefits to the organization,” but control is limited and errors occur frequently. Examples include “I am delighted working” instead of “I am delighted to be working,” “if my request is approve” instead of “is approved,” and “the company have helped me” instead of “the company has helped me.” Sentence boundaries and punctuation are also inconsistent, particularly in the opening, where several clauses run together. Most structures are simple, with attempts at more complex sentences often becoming difficult to follow. Practise accurate verb forms, subject–verb agreement, articles, and sentence punctuation, then build longer sentences from correctly controlled clauses.

See this exact question answered at other band scores. The same prompt compared across bands.

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