Band 6.0 IELTS Writing Task 1 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 6.0 · Cambridge IELTS 19 · 2026-11-13

IELTS Writing Task 1 question

 

You started in your present job two years ago. You now feel it is important for your career development to move to a different department in the same company.

Write a letter to your manager. In your letter

• say what you have learned in your present job
• suggest how the company would benefit from moving you to a different department
• explain why you do not wish to leave the company

You do NOT need to write any addresses.

Begin your letter as follows:

Dear ....................................,

Student answer (Band 6.0)

Dear Mr Joseph,

I am writing to inform you about my interest to advance my job role from sales merchant to the advertising department. Kindly, allow me to explain my reasons.

On one hand, being a sales merchant for two years has been quite impactful to me in strengthening my intellectual ability. It has made me more determined and has greatly improved my business experience through accomplishement of several tasks assigned to me.

On the other hand, due to my persuasive skills, advancing into the advertising sector will be beneficial to me in terms of exposure and also beneficial to the company as my adverstising skill will help introduce the company's brand to more audiences ane convince them to patronize us.

I have grown very much familiar and comfortable with the company and I would love to work hard towards helping the other staffs to achieve the ultimate goals of the company.

kindly look into

Yours sincerely,

Nnamdi Destiny

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response: Band 6.0

You address all three requested points: you describe what the sales role has taught you, propose a move to advertising and explain why you want to remain with the company. The benefit to the company is relevant and specific in outline: you say your persuasive skills could help introduce its brand to more audiences and encourage customers to buy. However, what you learned is expressed quite generally as improved “intellectual ability” and “business experience,” without examples of particular skills or tasks. Your reason for staying is also brief, focusing on familiarity and comfort rather than explaining what makes this company worth committing to. Develop these points with concrete examples and make the request and career rationale more explicit to address every part more fully.

Coherence and Cohesion: Band 6.0

The letter has a recognisable progression: it introduces your request, discusses your current role, explains the potential value of advertising, and closes with your wish to stay. Paragraphing helps separate the main ideas, and phrases such as “On one hand” and “On the other hand” signal a contrast. However, these transitions feel somewhat mechanical because the ideas are not really opposing sides. The final paragraph combines your reason for staying with a general commitment to colleagues, then ends abruptly with “kindly look into.” A clearer closing paragraph that restates the request and invites discussion would improve the flow. Use transitions that show addition or consequence where appropriate, and make references between ideas more precise.

Lexical Resource: Band 5.5

You use a range of vocabulary relevant to work and career development, including “persuasive skills,” “advertising sector,” “brand,” and “ultimate goals.” These choices make your intended move understandable. However, some word choices and collocations are inaccurate or unnatural, such as “advance my job role,” “sales merchant,” and “impactful to me in strengthening my intellectual ability.” Spelling errors in “accomplishement,” “adverstising,” and “ane” also reduce accuracy. Aim for conventional workplace expressions and more precise descriptions of what you have learned, rather than relying on broad phrases such as “business experience.” Proofreading for spelling and checking collocations would make your vocabulary more natural and effective.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 6.0

You use both simple and more developed sentence forms, including the conditional structure in “my advertising skill will help introduce the company's brand” and the subordinate clause beginning “being a sales merchant for two years.” Most of the message remains understandable, and errors do not generally prevent the reader from following your request. Some sentence-level issues remain: “I am writing to inform you about my interest to advance” uses an awkward grammatical pattern, and “I would love to work hard towards helping the other staffs” has an unclear construction and problematic plural form. The lowercase “kindly” after a full stop also shows inconsistent punctuation and sentence boundaries. Practise accurate request structures and review sentence openings, agreement, and punctuation.

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