Band 7.0 IELTS Writing Task 1 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 7.0 · Cambridge IELTS 19 · 2026-07-24

IELTS Writing Task 1 question

 

You started in your present job two years ago. You now feel it is important for your career development to move to a different department in the same company.

Write a letter to your manager. In your letter

• say what you have learned in your present job
• suggest how the company would benefit from moving you to a different department
• explain why you do not wish to leave the company

You do NOT need to write any addresses.

Begin your letter as follows:

Dear ....................................,

Student answer (Band 7.0)

Dear John,

I hope you are doing well. I am writing this to formally request for a transfer from oncology department to cardiology department in the same hospital.

To commence with, I have on this same position for nearly two years. Moreover, in oncology department I have learned significant skills such as time-management skills by attending clients on time. Apart from this, the importance of evidence based decision making, client-centered care, leadership skill are being learned by me. Additionally, I have realized how staying organized is crucial in order to accomplish blood works successfully.

The reason why I requested for transfer is that, recently I have noticed the persistent issue of short staffing; therefore, I would appreciate if you could move me to cardiac department. Not only will this resolve the concern of short staffing but also its impact will be reduced in terms of workload.

Lastly, I do not wish to leave this hospital because of the connections I have made with my colleagues. In addition to this, the salary and work life balance is satisfactory for me and I wish to pursue my career in this hospital.

I will be looking forward to your response and please inform me if any further information is needed from my side.

Kind regards,

Steve

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response — Band 7.0

The letter addresses all three bullet points of the prompt. You clearly state what you have learned, suggest how the company benefits from your transfer, and explain your desire to stay. The tone is appropriate for a formal request to a manager. However, the development of ideas is somewhat limited. For example, the explanation regarding how the company benefits from your move is slightly vague; you mention 'short staffing' but do not fully explain how your specific skills would resolve this in the cardiology department. To reach a higher band, ensure that your arguments are more thoroughly supported with specific details or logical connections.

Coherence and Cohesion — Band 7.5

The letter is logically organized with a clear introduction, body paragraphs for each point, and a closing. You use a range of cohesive devices such as 'To commence with', 'Moreover', 'Apart from this', and 'Additionally'. While these are generally effective, some transitions feel slightly mechanical or repetitive. The paragraphing is appropriate, and the progression of ideas is easy to follow throughout the letter. To improve, try to vary your linking phrases further to ensure the flow feels more natural rather than relying on a list-like structure of connectors.

Lexical Resource — Band 7.0

You demonstrate an adequate range of vocabulary for the task, using terms like 'evidence based decision making', 'client-centered care', and 'work life balance'. There are some minor inaccuracies in word choice, such as 'attending clients' (usually 'attending to patients' in a medical context) and 'blood works' (usually 'blood work'). While these errors do not impede communication, they indicate a need for more precise collocations. You have successfully used professional language, but expanding your range to include more sophisticated synonyms would help elevate your score.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy — Band 6.5

You use a mix of simple and complex sentence structures. There are several grammatical errors, such as 'I have on this same position' (missing 'been'), 'leadership skill are being learned by me' (passive voice is clunky here), and 'the importance of... are' (subject-verb agreement error). While these errors are noticeable, they do not prevent the reader from understanding your message. To improve, focus on subject-verb agreement and ensure that your passive constructions are used only when necessary for clarity. Increasing the frequency of error-free complex sentences will help you achieve a higher band.

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