Band 6.5 IELTS Writing Task 1 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 6.5 · Cambridge IELTS 19 · 2026-07-26

IELTS Writing Task 1 question

 

You started in your present job two years ago. You now feel it is important for your career development to move to a different department in the same company.

Write a letter to your manager. In your letter

• say what you have learned in your present job
• suggest how the company would benefit from moving you to a different department
• explain why you do not wish to leave the company

You do NOT need to write any addresses.

Begin your letter as follows:

Dear ....................................,

Student answer (Band 6.5)

Dear sir,

I am writing this letter to let you know that i have applied for senior marketing executive at our company and so i got the interview call as well.

As you already know that i have been working on business development executive position since last two years and trying to get done everything for benefits of our company. Since i show the open position for senior marketing executive i did apply ans so got an interview call from hr direct. I personally feel this will be the best jump for my career as of now, because i have been leading our business development team so i can profoundly use my leading skills into the senior role at our company. I also feel like from this jump i will be able to learn so many different skills like pressure handling, big shark mindset by working with huge companies personal.

In conclusion i assure you that it will be beneficial for our company as well to issue my steps as i have been dealing with so many valuable clients so it will be an honour for me to continue serving for our company’s vision and mission.

Thank you,

Yours sincerely,

Prashant Patel.

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response — Band 6.5

The letter addresses the main requirements of the prompt, such as mentioning what has been learned and explaining the desire to stay with the company. However, the development of ideas is somewhat limited. For instance, the explanation of how the company would benefit from the move is vague, relying on phrases like 'profoundly use my leading skills' without concrete examples. Additionally, the tone is slightly informal for a letter to a manager, and the structure is a bit repetitive. To improve, you should provide more specific details about your achievements in your current role and clearly articulate the strategic value you would bring to the new department.

Coherence and Cohesion — Band 6.5

The letter is organized into paragraphs, which helps the reader follow the flow of information. However, the use of cohesive devices is somewhat mechanical and limited. Transitions between ideas, such as 'In conclusion' and 'As you already know', are functional but basic. The logical progression within paragraphs could be improved by using a wider variety of linking words to connect your current experience to your future potential. The overall structure is clear, but the lack of sophisticated linking makes the flow feel a bit disjointed at times.

Lexical Resource — Band 6.0

You have a sufficient range of vocabulary to communicate your message, but there is a lack of precision and professional tone. Phrases like 'big shark mindset' and 'get done everything' are either colloquial or grammatically awkward in a formal business context. You rely on basic verbs and adjectives, which limits your ability to express your professional ambitions effectively. To reach a higher band, focus on using more formal, industry-appropriate collocations and avoid slang or overly casual phrasing when addressing a manager.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy — Band 6.0

There are frequent errors in grammar and punctuation throughout the letter. Common issues include the failure to capitalize the personal pronoun 'I', missing articles (e.g., 'at senior marketing executive'), and awkward sentence constructions like 'Since i show the open position'. While these errors do not completely impede communication, they are persistent and detract from the professional quality of the writing. You should focus on basic sentence structure, subject-verb agreement, and consistent capitalization to improve your accuracy.

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