Band 6.5 IELTS Writing Task 1 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 6.5 · Cambridge IELTS 19 · 2026-07-31

IELTS Writing Task 1 question

 

You started in your present job two years ago. You now feel it is important for your career development to move to a different department in the same company.

Write a letter to your manager. In your letter

• say what you have learned in your present job
• suggest how the company would benefit from moving you to a different department
• explain why you do not wish to leave the company

You do NOT need to write any addresses.

Begin your letter as follows:

Dear ....................................,

Student answer (Band 6.5)

Dear Thompson,

I am writing this letter to express my interest to move to other department as new vacancies are opened now, as per the rule of the entrepreneur, recruiting team give priority to inner staff over the hiring members from outside of company. My name is Kamalpreet Kaur and I am currently working in administrative department since april 2024.

Right now, I have a keen desire to join technological advancement team for my career development and this will also help our company as I possess strong backgrounds in this field, consequently, they don’t need to spend time on providing basic training as I already aware of it. Moreover, they are looking for a new team member. I am expert in administrative tasks, data analysis, keep records of all customer , knowing about coding .This knowledge will helpful to excel my career in new area.

I know all aspects of company, have a good rapport with colleagues, also earn a handsome package, atmosphere of the company is really favorable to work here. This is the reason that I do not want to give resign to opt a new opportunity.

Hoping hear from you soon, to consider my view point at the earliest with a positive respond.

Yours Sincerely,

Kamalpreet

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response — Band 6.5

The letter addresses all three bullet points required by the prompt. You clearly state your current role, explain the benefits of your transfer to the company, and express your commitment to staying within the organization. However, the development of these ideas is somewhat limited. For instance, while you mention your skills in 'data analysis' and 'coding', these points are listed rather than explained in the context of how they would specifically benefit the new department. To improve, ensure that each point is expanded with a clear, logical explanation that directly relates to the manager's perspective. The tone is generally appropriate for a formal request, though some phrasing is slightly informal.

Coherence and Cohesion — Band 6.5

The letter is organized into clear paragraphs, which helps the reader follow your argument. You use some cohesive devices such as 'Moreover' and 'consequently' to link ideas. However, the flow between sentences is sometimes mechanical, and there are instances where the connection between ideas is slightly abrupt, such as the transition between your skills and your desire to stay in the company. The use of referencing is occasionally unclear, particularly in the first paragraph where the reference to 'the rule of the entrepreneur' is confusing. Improving the variety of linking words and ensuring smoother transitions between sentences would enhance the overall coherence.

Lexical Resource — Band 6.5

You demonstrate an adequate range of vocabulary for the task, including terms like 'career development', 'technological advancement', and 'favorable'. However, there are several instances of awkward word choice and collocation errors, such as 'give resign' instead of 'resign', 'hiring members' instead of 'external candidates', and 'inner staff' instead of 'internal staff'. These errors do not impede communication, but they do limit the precision of your writing. To reach a higher band, focus on using more natural collocations and professional business terminology appropriate for a formal letter to a manager.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy — Band 6.0

You use a mix of simple and complex sentence structures. While the meaning is generally clear, there are frequent grammatical errors throughout the text. Examples include 'interest to move' (interest in moving), 'as I already aware of it' (as I am already aware of it), and 'This knowledge will helpful' (This knowledge will be helpful). Additionally, there are issues with article usage and verb tense consistency. While these errors do not prevent the reader from understanding your message, they occur frequently enough to impact the overall accuracy. Focusing on subject-verb agreement and the correct use of prepositions will help improve your score.

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