Band 6.5 IELTS Writing Task 1 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 6.5 · Cambridge IELTS 19 · 2026-08-18

IELTS Writing Task 1 question

 

You started in your present job two years ago. You now feel it is important for your career development to move to a different department in the same company.

Write a letter to your manager. In your letter

• say what you have learned in your present job
• suggest how the company would benefit from moving you to a different department
• explain why you do not wish to leave the company

You do NOT need to write any addresses.

Begin your letter as follows:

Dear ....................................,

Student answer (Band 6.5)

Dear Tony,

For the past 2 years, I have been employed with Walmart as a Dairy/Frozen depatment manage. In my current designation, I honed my skills of leading my team to daily goals like inventory calculations, merchandising, cleanliness, rotating the expiries and many more. Furthermore, this job taught me the skill of making a vital decision in a fast pace environment and sharpened the way of dealing every kind of customer.

As my background education is E-commerce, I would like to inform you that I am thinking to take a transition to OMNI department. In that place, I will be able to learn how e-commerce part of our bussiness works. With the help of my skills and technique, I will help the department to make a better and a organized place. OMNI will get a shining star in their team, as I recieved it in the previous month. Afterall, my long term goal is to become an Assistant Store Manager (ASM), for this duty, it is neccessary for me to gain the knowledge of various departments.

So, I am considering this transition in regards of not leaving the company. This workplace is like a family to me and I do no intent to leave them in near future.

Regards,

Peter

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response — Band 7.0

The letter successfully addresses all three bullet points required by the prompt. You clearly outline your current responsibilities, explain the benefits of your transfer to the OMNI department, and express your commitment to the company. The tone is appropriate for a formal letter to a manager. To reach a higher band, ensure that your ideas are slightly more developed; for instance, when mentioning the benefits to the company, you could provide a more specific example of how your E-commerce background would solve a particular problem in the OMNI department. Overall, the purpose of the letter is clear and the response is well-structured.

Coherence and Cohesion — Band 6.5

The letter is logically organized into clear paragraphs, each serving a distinct purpose. You use some cohesive devices such as 'Furthermore', 'As', and 'Afterall' to link ideas. However, the flow is occasionally interrupted by minor mechanical errors in phrasing, such as 'In that place' or 'In regards of'. The transition between the second and third paragraphs could be smoother to better connect your career goals with your desire to stay at the company. Overall, the progression of ideas is easy to follow, and the paragraphing is appropriate for a formal letter.

Lexical Resource — Band 6.0

You demonstrate an adequate range of vocabulary for the task, using terms like 'designation', 'inventory calculations', and 'transition'. However, there are several spelling errors ('depatment', 'bussiness', 'recieved', 'neccessary') and some awkward collocations, such as 'making a vital decision' (better: 'making vital decisions') and 'in regards of' (better: 'with regard to'). While these errors do not impede communication, they prevent the response from reaching a higher band. Focusing on accurate spelling and more natural word combinations will significantly improve your score.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy — Band 6.0

You use a mix of simple and complex sentence structures. While the meaning is generally clear, there are frequent grammatical slips, such as 'sharpened the way of dealing every kind of customer' (should be 'dealing with every kind of customer') and 'I will help the department to make a better and a organized place' (should be 'an organized place'). Additionally, there are minor issues with article usage and preposition choice. To improve, focus on subject-verb agreement and ensuring that complex sentences are constructed with precision. The errors are noticeable but do not prevent the reader from understanding your message.

See this exact question answered at other band scores — the same prompt compared across bands.

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