Band 5.5 IELTS Writing Task 1 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 5.5 · Cambridge IELTS 19 · 2026-08-20

IELTS Writing Task 1 question

 

You started in your present job two years ago. You now feel it is important for your career development to move to a different department in the same company.

Write a letter to your manager. In your letter

• say what you have learned in your present job
• suggest how the company would benefit from moving you to a different department
• explain why you do not wish to leave the company

You do NOT need to write any addresses.

Begin your letter as follows:

Dear ....................................,

Student answer (Band 5.5)

Dear Manager,

I am writing this letter to take a transfer in finance department of our company. As you know that I am recently graduated from business administration in which I am specialized in an accounting stream. Thus, finance department will able to acquire some benefits from my skills such as book keeping, investment decisions and so on.

In addition, my current role which involves not only clerical work but also booking of guest's room which are going to consider base skills and important part of future role. Moreover, our company is an industry which provides all guests services and telecommunication throughout our whole city. Moreover, our company is well-known for its employees recognition programme and

. consequently, I do not want to leave the company, due to high wages and significant employee benefits.

I hope you will respect my decision.

kind regards,

krisha

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response — Band 5.0

The letter addresses all three bullet points, but the development is insufficient. While you mention your background and the benefits to the company, the explanation of your current role is vague and lacks detail. Furthermore, the letter is under the 150-word minimum, which negatively impacts the task achievement score. The tone is generally appropriate for a formal request, but the abrupt ending and incomplete sentence structure in the second paragraph hinder the overall communication of your intent. To improve, ensure you expand on your specific contributions and provide a more cohesive argument for your transfer request while meeting the required word count.

Coherence and Cohesion — Band 5.5

The letter is organized into paragraphs, but the flow of ideas is interrupted by grammatical errors and incomplete thoughts. You use some cohesive devices like 'In addition' and 'Moreover', but the repetition of 'Moreover' and the disjointed nature of the second paragraph make the progression feel mechanical rather than natural. The paragraphing is present, but the content within the paragraphs lacks logical development. To improve, focus on linking your sentences more fluidly and ensuring that each paragraph has a clear, singular focus that supports your main purpose. Avoid repeating transition words and ensure your sentences are complete.

Lexical Resource — Band 5.5

The vocabulary is somewhat limited and repetitive. You use basic terms like 'clerical work' and 'book keeping', which are relevant but lack variety. There are also issues with word choice and collocation, such as 'take a transfer' (should be 'request a transfer') and 'acquire some benefits' (should be 'benefit from'). The incomplete sentence at the end of the second paragraph also suggests a lack of control over vocabulary and phrasing. To improve, try to use more precise professional terminology related to business and finance, and ensure your word choices are contextually accurate.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy — Band 5.0

There are frequent grammatical errors that occasionally impede clarity. Examples include 'I am recently graduated' (should be 'I recently graduated'), 'finance department will able to' (should be 'the finance department will be able to'), and 'booking of guest's room' (should be 'booking guest rooms'). The sentence structure is largely simple, and there is a lack of complex sentence forms. The incomplete sentence at the end of the second paragraph is a significant error. To improve, focus on subject-verb agreement, correct tense usage, and ensuring that all sentences are complete with a clear subject and predicate.

See this exact question answered at other band scores — the same prompt compared across bands.

Browse more IELTS Writing model answers or get your own writing scored by the same AI examiner.