Band 5.5 IELTS Writing Task 1 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 5.5 · Cambridge IELTS 19 · 2026-08-24

IELTS Writing Task 1 question

 

You started in your present job two years ago. You now feel it is important for your career development to move to a different department in the same company.

Write a letter to your manager. In your letter

• say what you have learned in your present job
• suggest how the company would benefit from moving you to a different department
• explain why you do not wish to leave the company

You do NOT need to write any addresses.

Begin your letter as follows:

Dear ....................................,

Student answer (Band 5.5)

Respected sir,

hope you find this letter with radiant health and beautiful spirits.

i would like to say you that i started a job in your company before two years ago as a clarak.now i'm thinking designation of clarak is not enough for my career.

As you know i am very hard working and punctual employe of your firm,and i learned about many things about office work like microsoft,office work and many feature of computer.

i want to say that with my wishes it will be very beneficial for our company if you are give me the chance promot calark to head clarak in this company but in different department.

As you know i spended the most beautiful time with this firm and achieve many goals with work experience.all staff is very polite and caring like you also.i do not want to leave this company,but is a very important for my career if you promote me in this company in another department.i will be very thankful to you.

i'm waiting for you anser.

Best Regard

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response — Band 5.5

The letter addresses all three bullet points required by the prompt: what you have learned, the benefits to the company of a transfer, and the reasons for staying. However, the development of these ideas is somewhat limited. For example, the explanation of how the company would benefit from your move is vague, focusing more on your personal desire for a promotion ('promot clark to head clark') rather than how the company gains from your skills in a new department. To improve, ensure that your arguments are more professional and clearly linked to the company's operational needs rather than just your own career progression.

Coherence and Cohesion — Band 5.5

The letter is organized into short paragraphs, which is appropriate for a formal letter. However, the use of cohesive devices is quite limited and sometimes mechanical. Transitions between sentences are often abrupt, and the flow of ideas feels disjointed. For instance, the jump from discussing your computer skills to asking for a promotion lacks a smooth logical connector. Additionally, the paragraphing is inconsistent, with some sentences feeling like isolated thoughts rather than part of a cohesive argument. Using a wider range of linking words such as 'furthermore,' 'consequently,' or 'in addition to this' would significantly improve the logical progression of your writing.

Lexical Resource — Band 5.0

The vocabulary is basic and repetitive, which limits your ability to convey professional intent effectively. There are several instances of word-choice errors, such as 'radiant health and beautiful spirits' (which is overly informal and unnatural for a business letter) and 'spended' (incorrect verb form). You rely on simple descriptors like 'beautiful' and 'good' rather than more precise professional terminology. To reach a higher band, you should focus on using more formal business collocations and ensuring that your word choices are appropriate for a professional context, avoiding overly emotional or flowery language.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy — Band 5.0

There are frequent grammatical errors throughout the text that occasionally impede the reader's understanding. Issues include incorrect verb tenses ('i started a job... before two years ago'), missing articles ('as a clarak'), and subject-verb agreement errors ('all staff is'). The sentence structures are mostly simple, and attempts at more complex sentences often contain errors in punctuation or word order. For example, 'i want to say that with my wishes it will be very beneficial' is awkward and grammatically incorrect. Focusing on basic sentence construction and proofreading for common errors like capitalization and verb forms will help improve your score.

See this exact question answered at other band scores — the same prompt compared across bands.

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