Band 5.0 IELTS Writing Task 1 Model Answer
Overall Band Score: 5.0 · Cambridge IELTS 19 · 2026-08-26
IELTS Writing Task 1 question
You started in your present job two years ago. You now feel it is important for your career development to move to a different department in the same company.
Write a letter to your manager. In your letter
- say what you have learned in your present job
- suggest how the company would benefit from moving you to a different department
- explain why you do not wish to leave the company
You do NOT need to write any addresses.
Begin your letter as follows:
Dear ....................................,
Student answer (Band 5.0)
Dear Manager,
I hope you are doing well. I am wiling to request you related to promote me in higher position in security job because I am working here from last 2 years due to this I have higher experience and knowledge related to my whole work. In this job I learn a lot of moral values such as patience, confidence, teamwork along with leadership . It is really benefit for my career because I have a lot of responsibilities of my parents due to this I required higher amount of money while doing hard work with dedication to fulfill my family requirements. So, that's why I wanna request you to move me to a senority department in the same company.
Along with this company would earn higher benefits from moving me to different department because what I learnt from here the same I will teach to others due to this other people also get impressed from my work and wiling to work with us in the future. To be honest I never think to leave this company because I earn a lot of name and fame in the society while working with you due to this I think it is the best decesion for me to join this company till the end. Hope you understand.
Best regards
Amandeep Kaur
AI examiner evaluation
| Criterion | Band |
|---|---|
| Task Achievement / Task Response | 5.0 |
| Coherence and Cohesion | 5.5 |
| Lexical Resource | 5.0 |
| Grammatical Range and Accuracy | 5.0 |
| Overall | 5.0 |
Task Achievement / Task Response — Band 5.0
The letter addresses all three bullet points, but the development of ideas is inconsistent. While you mention what you learned and why you want to stay, the explanation regarding how the company would benefit from your move is weak and somewhat illogical, focusing on teaching others rather than specific departmental contributions. Furthermore, the tone is inappropriate for a formal letter to a manager; mentioning personal financial responsibilities and 'name and fame' is unprofessional in this context. To improve, focus on professional growth and company value rather than personal financial needs.
Coherence and Cohesion — Band 5.5
The letter is organized into paragraphs, which is a positive step. However, the flow of ideas is often disjointed. The use of cohesive devices is limited and sometimes repetitive, such as the frequent use of 'due to this' to connect ideas. Transitions between the points are mechanical, and the logical progression within paragraphs is hindered by awkward phrasing. To improve, use a wider variety of linking words (e.g., 'furthermore', 'consequently', 'in addition') and ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single, clear theme to improve the overall structure.
Lexical Resource — Band 5.0
The vocabulary is quite limited and often imprecise. There are several instances of incorrect word choice, such as 'wiling' instead of 'willing', 'senority' instead of 'senior', and 'decesion' (spelling error). The phrase 'name and fame' is an idiom that does not fit the formal register required for a business letter. You rely on basic vocabulary and struggle to express professional concepts accurately. To reach a higher band, focus on learning business-related collocations and proofreading for common spelling mistakes.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy — Band 5.0
The response contains frequent grammatical errors that occasionally impede clarity. There are issues with verb tense consistency ('I learn a lot' instead of 'I have learned'), subject-verb agreement, and sentence structure. Many sentences are run-on or lack proper punctuation, making them difficult to follow. For example, 'I am wiling to request you related to promote me' is grammatically incorrect. To improve, focus on mastering basic sentence structures, ensuring correct verb forms, and using punctuation to separate distinct ideas rather than relying on long, rambling sentences.
See this exact question answered at other band scores — the same prompt compared across bands.
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