Band 5.5 IELTS Writing Task 1 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 5.5 · Cambridge IELTS 19 · 2026-08-31

IELTS Writing Task 1 question

 

You started in your present job two years ago. You now feel it is important for your career development to move to a different department in the same company.

Write a letter to your manager. In your letter

• say what you have learned in your present job
• suggest how the company would benefit from moving you to a different department
• explain why you do not wish to leave the company

You do NOT need to write any addresses.

Begin your letter as follows:

Dear ....................................,

Student answer (Band 5.5)

Dear Manager,

Hope you are doing well, I am writing this letter to request an internal transfer from my current role as a Technology information support specialist to the cyber security department. However, in the my past role at this job I learned how to deal with clients and company Moreover, computer system, mobile phones I really this work learn and I hope one day I am good business man. This is only do your company. Furthermore, I have also gained good experience in handling system security and user permission. In addition, there are many benefit moving me a different department. I can use my existing knowledge of our company network to protect our data better. Similarly ,I wanna not waste company money. I see on my eyes company growth in different countries. I am waiting this days. Therefore, I really enjoy work in this company because of our great and friend team also good environment.

I look forward to hearing from you soon.

Your sincerely,

Asim Javed

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response — Band 5.5

The letter addresses all three bullet points, but the development of ideas is inconsistent. You mention what you have learned, such as 'handling system security', and explain why you want to stay at the company. However, the explanation of how the company would benefit from your move is vague and lacks professional depth. Phrases like 'I wanna not waste company money' are informal and unclear. To improve, ensure each point is supported by specific, professional examples that clearly demonstrate the value you bring to the new department. The tone is also somewhat inconsistent for a formal business letter.

Coherence and Cohesion — Band 5.5

The letter is divided into paragraphs, but the logical progression of ideas is frequently interrupted by awkward phrasing and disjointed sentences. While you use some cohesive devices like 'Furthermore' and 'In addition', their usage is sometimes mechanical or incorrectly placed. The transition between your current skills and the benefits to the company is abrupt. To improve, focus on using linking words to connect your sentences more naturally and ensure that each paragraph has a clear, singular focus. The overall structure is present, but the flow of information is often difficult to follow.

Lexical Resource — Band 5.0

Your vocabulary is limited and often repetitive. You rely on basic terms like 'good' and 'work' multiple times. There are also instances of incorrect word choice and informal language, such as 'I wanna' and 'I see on my eyes', which are inappropriate for a formal letter. Some phrases, such as 'Technology information support specialist', are understandable but lack the precision expected at higher bands. To improve, try to incorporate more professional collocations and avoid slang or overly simplistic expressions. Expanding your range of synonyms will help you express your ideas with greater clarity and sophistication.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy — Band 5.0

There are frequent grammatical errors throughout the text, including issues with subject-verb agreement ('I really this work learn'), article usage ('in the my past role'), and sentence structure. Many sentences are fragmented or lack the necessary complexity to demonstrate a higher level of control. Punctuation is also inconsistent, particularly with the placement of commas and spacing. While the meaning is generally discernible, the high frequency of errors requires the reader to work harder to understand your message. Focusing on basic sentence construction and proofreading for common errors will significantly improve your score.

See this exact question answered at other band scores — the same prompt compared across bands.

Browse more IELTS Writing model answers or get your own writing scored by the same AI examiner.