Band 6.5 IELTS Writing Task 1 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 6.5 · Cambridge IELTS 19 · 2026-09-02

IELTS Writing Task 1 question

 

You started in your present job two years ago. You now feel it is important for your career development to move to a different department in the same company.

Write a letter to your manager. In your letter

• say what you have learned in your present job
• suggest how the company would benefit from moving you to a different department
• explain why you do not wish to leave the company

You do NOT need to write any addresses.

Begin your letter as follows:

Dear ....................................,

Student answer (Band 6.5)

Dear sir/ Madam,

I hope this letter finds you well . I joined this company two years ago as a sales executive assistant with a hope to gain hands-on experience in the beauty industry. Since then I have learnt enormous skills and have seen a drastic change in my professional persona. Working with the clients to gain sales for the beauty products has given me a vivid idea of customer needs and their genuine reviews.

Now considering to move forward in my career and to build a vast profile, I sincerely believe that I wish to be transferred to the marketing department as a Marketing Manager as the post for the same was published last week. I can exhibit all the valuable insights collected as a sales executive and put them in value through building the effective marketing strategies for the company . Since I have been on the field , this Intra department shift will not just prove beneficial for my professional status but also the company's growth in building stronger marketing base.

After contemplating I analyzed that I wish to work long term for this prestigious company where the employees are valued , get enough perks and incentives and a scope for improvement .

I hope you will consider this proposal .

Awaiting your response.

Yours sincerely

Man

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response — Band 7.0

The letter successfully addresses all three bullet points required by the prompt. You clearly describe your learning experience as a sales executive, explain the benefits of your transfer to the marketing department, and express your commitment to the company. The tone is appropriate for a formal business letter. To reach a higher band, ensure that your career goals are presented with more professional nuance; for instance, instead of stating you want to 'build a vast profile', you could focus on how your specific skills align with the company's long-term strategic objectives.

Coherence and Cohesion — Band 6.5

The letter is logically organized with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph focuses on a specific requirement of the prompt. You use some cohesive devices such as 'Since then', 'Now considering', and 'After contemplating' to link ideas. However, the flow between sentences could be smoother. Some transitions feel slightly mechanical, and the paragraphing is a bit compressed. Using a wider variety of linking words and ensuring clear topic sentences for each paragraph would improve the overall progression of your argument.

Lexical Resource — Band 6.0

You demonstrate an adequate range of vocabulary for the task, using terms like 'professional persona', 'vivid idea', and 'contemplating'. There are some minor issues with collocation, such as 'put them in value' (should be 'add value') and 'building stronger marketing base' (should be 'a stronger marketing base'). While the vocabulary is sufficient to convey your meaning clearly, it lacks the precision and sophistication required for higher bands. Expanding your use of professional collocations would significantly enhance your writing.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy — Band 6.0

You use a mix of simple and complex sentence structures. There are some grammatical errors, such as 'I have learnt enormous skills' (collocation/usage issue) and 'the post for the same was published' (slightly awkward phrasing). Punctuation is generally correct, though there are minor spacing issues before some commas. While these errors do not impede communication, they occur frequently enough to prevent a higher score. Focusing on subject-verb agreement and more natural phrasing in complex sentences will help improve your accuracy.

See this exact question answered at other band scores — the same prompt compared across bands.

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