Band 6.5 IELTS Writing Task 1 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 6.5 · Cambridge IELTS 19 · 2026-09-05

IELTS Writing Task 1 question

 

You started in your present job two years ago. You now feel it is important for your career development to move to a different department in the same company.

Write a letter to your manager. In your letter

• say what you have learned in your present job
• suggest how the company would benefit from moving you to a different department
• explain why you do not wish to leave the company

You do NOT need to write any addresses.

Begin your letter as follows:

Dear ....................................,

Student answer (Band 6.5)

This is regarding my request to move me from Risk Department to the Data Team in our organisation.

I am working in Risk Department since 2 years. As you have seen my growth within the team from joining as an intern to now being a senior Data Analyst, I believe my growth have been stagnant in recent months.

With my technical background in Computer science, I can contribute more to the company as Data Engineer in the Data Team. When I was discussing to a team member from that team, they mentioned that the Data Team has a position available.

Moving the department within the same company is the best solution to grow as a professional because I understand the company's core values. Additionally, I appreciate work culture here at ATB instituion. I have build good professional network here which will be useful in the data engineer role.

I hope you consider my request. Thank you!

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response — Band 6.5

The letter addresses all three bullet points required by the prompt. You clearly state your current role and growth, explain the benefits of your transfer to the Data Team, and express your commitment to the company. However, the development of these points is somewhat brief. For instance, while you mention your technical background, you could have elaborated more on how your specific skills as a Data Engineer would solve current problems for the company. The tone is appropriate for a formal business letter, though it could be slightly more persuasive to better support your request for a career move.

Coherence and Cohesion — Band 6.5

The letter is logically organized with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a closing. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the prompt. You use some cohesive devices such as 'Additionally' and 'However,' though the flow between sentences could be smoother. The paragraphing is appropriate for a formal letter. To improve, try to vary your transition words and ensure that the logical progression between your current situation and your future goals is more tightly linked to demonstrate a clear career trajectory.

Lexical Resource — Band 6.0

You demonstrate an adequate range of vocabulary for the task, using professional terms like 'Data Analyst,' 'technical background,' and 'professional network.' However, there are some minor inaccuracies and awkward phrasings, such as 'I am working in Risk Department since 2 years' (should be 'have been working... for two years') and 'I have build good professional network' (should be 'built a good professional network'). To reach a higher band, aim for more precise collocations and ensure consistent use of professional terminology throughout the letter.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy — Band 6.0

You use a mix of simple and complex sentence structures. There are several grammatical errors that, while they do not impede communication, are noticeable. Examples include 'my growth have been stagnant' (subject-verb agreement error: 'has been'), 'discussing to a team member' (preposition error: 'discussing with'), and 'Moving the department' (should be 'Moving to a different department'). The tense usage is generally correct, but attention to subject-verb agreement and prepositional accuracy would significantly improve your score. Increasing the variety of complex sentence structures would also be beneficial.

See this exact question answered at other band scores — the same prompt compared across bands.

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