Band 6.0 IELTS Writing Task 1 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 6.0 · Cambridge IELTS 19 · 2026-09-07

IELTS Writing Task 1 question

 

You started in your present job two years ago. You now feel it is important for your career development to move to a different department in the same company.

Write a letter to your manager. In your letter

• say what you have learned in your present job
• suggest how the company would benefit from moving you to a different department
• explain why you do not wish to leave the company

You do NOT need to write any addresses.

Begin your letter as follows:

Dear ....................................,

Student answer (Band 6.0)

Dear Alex,

I am writing to request to be moved to a different department in our organisation considering the completion of two years as a asset protection personnal.

In my current position, I was able to gain experience about the policies of our store, theft control, surveillance. In addition to them, I was also able to learn about the guidelines to be followed if theft happens and how to handle the situation.

Considering the interest in the current position and the career development, I have obtained the security license which would make my profile eligible for the Asset Protection Representative. Having hands on experience as an asset protection personnal, I assure you that I will be a fast learner to get trained as a representative and would like contribute in all the way possible.

Moreover, I am looking forward to change the position in the same organisation to contribute efficiently and willing to give the beneficial output to the company which has trained me when I had no experience. Looking forward to hearing from you.

Thank you.

With regards,

Vishnu

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response — Band 6.0

The letter covers all three bullet points required by the prompt. You clearly state what you have learned, explain the benefits to the company, and express your desire to remain with the organization. However, the development of these points is somewhat limited. For example, when discussing the benefits of moving you to a different department, you mention you will be a 'fast learner' but do not specifically explain how your current skills in asset protection would add value to a new role. To reach a higher band, ensure that your ideas are more fully extended with specific examples or logical reasoning.

Coherence and Cohesion — Band 6.5

The letter is organized into logical paragraphs, and there is a clear progression of ideas. You use some cohesive devices such as 'In addition to them', 'Moreover', and 'Considering the interest'. However, some transitions feel slightly mechanical or repetitive. The referencing is generally clear, though the flow between the second and third paragraphs could be smoother to better connect your current experience to your future aspirations. Overall, the structure is appropriate for a formal letter, and the paragraphing helps the reader follow your argument without difficulty.

Lexical Resource — Band 6.0

You demonstrate an adequate range of vocabulary for the task, such as 'organisation', 'surveillance', and 'eligible'. However, there are some inaccuracies in word choice and collocation. For instance, 'asset protection personnal' (should be 'personnel') and 'give the beneficial output' are slightly unnatural. Additionally, 'request to be moved' is grammatically functional but could be more professional. To improve, focus on using more precise collocations and ensure you are using professional terminology correctly. The spelling of 'personnel' needs attention as it is a key term in your letter.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy — Band 6.0

You use a mix of simple and complex sentence structures, which is appropriate for this task. There are several grammatical errors, such as 'considering the completion of two years as a asset protection personnal' (article error 'an' and spelling 'personnel') and 'looking forward to change the position' (should be 'changing'). While these errors are noticeable, they do not impede the overall meaning of your letter. To achieve a higher score, aim for greater accuracy in your verb patterns and articles, and try to incorporate a wider variety of complex sentence structures with fewer slips.

See this exact question answered at other band scores — the same prompt compared across bands.

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