Band 6.5 IELTS Writing Task 1 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 6.5 · Cambridge IELTS 19 · 2026-10-10

IELTS Writing Task 1 question

 

You started in your present job two years ago. You now feel it is important for your career development to move to a different department in the same company.

Write a letter to your manager. In your letter

• say what you have learned in your present job
• suggest how the company would benefit from moving you to a different department
• explain why you do not wish to leave the company

You do NOT need to write any addresses.

Begin your letter as follows:

Dear ....................................,

Student answer (Band 6.5)

Dear Mr Ram,

I am writing this letter to request to move me to the customer care department as I have gained a lot of experience in current position within last two years and would like to move to another department for further career development.

I have learned about numerous products in the store and can guide customers to their desired product. As a stock unloading associate, I have been stocking goods in almost every departments and I have been to each and every corner of the store at least once which would be benefical while helping customers.

As the company is searching for a new associate to fulfill the vacant position in customer care department, I believe I would be a good fit for the position. Furthermore, our department has been planning to shift the current staff to another department because of the return of two associate from long vacation, which have made our department a bit crowded. Hence, it would be really beneficial for the business if I would join another department as I would not need the basic training.

I have been working in this franchise for more than two years and I would like to work for more years to come. Moreover, the organisation culture is welcoming and encouraging, therefore none would like to leave this place.

Thank you for you understanding.

Best regards,

Subas Bhugai

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response: Band 6.5

You address all three requested points and make your purpose clear: you want to move to customer care while remaining with the company. Your experience with products and store locations is relevant support for the transfer, and the vacant position gives a practical reason for your request. The explanation that your current department is crowded also helps show how the move could benefit the business. However, the benefit is not fully developed: explain more specifically how your product knowledge and stock experience would improve customer service or reduce the need for training. Your reason for staying is present, but “none would like to leave this place” is a broad claim rather than a personal explanation. A more individual reason would make the letter more convincing.

Coherence and Cohesion: Band 6.5

The letter has a clear overall structure: you state your request, describe your experience, explain the company’s staffing situation, and finish with your wish to stay. Paragraphing supports this progression, and linking expressions such as “Furthermore” and “Hence” help connect the points. Some connections are less smooth or precise, however. The sentence about staff returning from vacation and the department becoming crowded contains several ideas at once, so the reason for your transfer takes effort to follow. The final paragraph also shifts from your personal commitment to a general statement about the organisation’s culture. Make the links between each point more direct, and use pronouns or references carefully so it is always clear who is moving or returning.

Lexical Resource: Band 6.0

You use an adequate range of vocabulary for a workplace request, including “career development,” “vacant position,” “associate,” and “organisation culture.” These choices communicate the main ideas, and terms such as “stock unloading” give useful context about your current role. There are some inaccurate or unnatural choices that limit precision, including “request to move me,” “benefical,” and “none would like to leave this place.” “Current position” and “customer care department” are appropriate, but you could vary the wording when discussing your experience and suitability. Aim for natural professional collocations and check spelling and word forms; for example, describe yourself as requesting a transfer and explain that your familiarity with products would help customers.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 6.0

You use a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, including clauses introduced by “as,” “because,” and “which,” and the message remains understandable. Some grammatical errors occur, but they rarely prevent the reader from following your request. For example, “within last two years” needs an article, and “in almost every departments” has a number-agreement problem. In “the return of two associate … which have made,” the noun and verb forms do not agree clearly; the sentence would be easier to control if divided into two. There are also awkward conditional forms in “if I would join” and “I would not need the basic training.” Review articles, singular and plural agreement, and conditional structures, while keeping the useful variety of sentence patterns you already attempt.

See this exact question answered at other band scores. The same prompt compared across bands.

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