Band 4.5 IELTS Writing Task 1 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 4.5 · Cambridge IELTS 19 · 2026-10-12

IELTS Writing Task 1 question

 

You started in your present job two years ago. You now feel it is important for your career development to move to a different department in the same company.

Write a letter to your manager. In your letter

• say what you have learned in your present job
• suggest how the company would benefit from moving you to a different department
• explain why you do not wish to leave the company

You do NOT need to write any addresses.

Begin your letter as follows:

Dear ....................................,

Student answer (Band 4.5)

it rally interesting to wright a letter to you about my present positon and my future plan. i start my carrier in your compay at 10dec 2014 as a customer care office. i had learn a lot of new technic and well organize way how to handen a custerm.which will help me to any postion to act with a client.now i now how to hande a angry client easily. you will happy to know that in my last apprial i got 98 out of 100.i dont know you know that or not i finished my MBA last month in finance and accounting.so if you move me to any department like finance or accounting i will do beeet at that departmrnt too.so if you move me to finance i can take care all financial activition and also accounting too.because of education i know how to handel all the activites . and i can do it well .

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response: Band 4.0

You address the main situation by describing what you learned in customer care and requesting a move to finance or accounting. The reference to your MBA and appraisal score gives relevant support for your suitability. However, the task asks you to explain why you do not wish to leave the company, and this point is not addressed. The benefit to the company is only briefly asserted in “I can take care all financial activition” rather than explained with a specific contribution. The letter also lacks a clear, appropriately framed request and closing. To make the response more complete, state directly that you value the company and want to continue contributing there, then explain how your customer-service experience and finance studies would benefit the new department.

Coherence and Cohesion: Band 4.5

The ideas follow a broadly understandable order: your experience, what you learned, your qualification, and the proposed transfer. Basic links such as “so” and “because” help show connections between points. However, the response is presented as one continuous block, so the reader has little visual guidance, and several ideas run together—for example, the appraisal result and MBA information are joined without a clear transition. Repeated use of “so” also makes the progression feel mechanical. Organise the letter into short paragraphs, each with a clear purpose, and use a wider range of simple linking expressions to connect your experience, the company’s benefit, and your reason for staying.

Lexical Resource: Band 4.5

You use some relevant vocabulary for the situation, including “customer care,” “client,” “MBA,” “finance,” and “accounting,” so the reader can identify your work experience and intended department. However, the range is basic and several spelling and word-choice errors make parts difficult to understand, such as “positon,” “technic,” “apprial,” and “financial activition.” Some phrases are also unnatural, including “act with a client” and “do beeet at that departmrnt.” Choose accurate workplace collocations and check spelling carefully. For example, you could describe handling customer complaints, achieving a strong appraisal result, and managing financial activities. More precise vocabulary would make your qualifications and proposed contribution clearer.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 5.0

You attempt to connect ideas in longer sentences, using forms such as “which will help me” and “because of education,” and the main message is generally recoverable. However, control of basic sentence patterns is inconsistent. For example, “i start my carrier … at 10dec 2014” needs a past-tense verb and a correctly formed date phrase, while “i had learn” uses an incorrect verb form. There are also missing articles and auxiliaries in phrases such as “as a customer care office” and “you will happy.” Most sentences are simple or joined with “so,” and punctuation and capitalisation are not controlled. Practise accurate past-tense statements and complete sentences before adding more complex structures.

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