Band 6.5 IELTS Writing Task 1 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 6.5 · Cambridge IELTS 19 · 2026-10-14

IELTS Writing Task 1 question

 

You started in your present job two years ago. You now feel it is important for your career development to move to a different department in the same company.

Write a letter to your manager. In your letter

• say what you have learned in your present job
• suggest how the company would benefit from moving you to a different department
• explain why you do not wish to leave the company

You do NOT need to write any addresses.

Begin your letter as follows:

Dear ....................................,

Student answer (Band 6.5)

Dear Mrs.Walter,

Hope you are doing great? I am writing to you to let you know that I would like to move to a different department in order to keep growing in my career. I would appreciate if I am transferred from geriatric unit to children's department.

Having worked with the geriatric unit for two years, I have learnt the importance of patience and humility. Additionally, working in this unit has also taught me the importance of working team work.

Moving me to paediatric unit will help me to put into practice the skills I have acquired from the company so far. It also appears that the children's department is short staffed. Having an additional hand at the department will help improve the efficiency of the department.

I do not want to leave the company because I believe that I still have so much to learn from the company. The staff treatment is quite commendable and being with the company would be a stepping stone to my career development. Thanks for your kind consideration

I look forward to your response soon.

Yours faithfully,

Oge Frances.

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response: Band 7.0

The letter addresses all three required points and maintains a clear, appropriate purpose: you request a transfer, describe what you learned in the geriatric unit, explain how the company could benefit, and give reasons for staying. The examples of “patience and humility” and the department being “short staffed” make the request relevant, while your positive view of the company supports your final point. The benefits to the employer are clear but somewhat general; for example, explain more specifically how your experience with older patients would help you contribute to the children’s department. Developing that connection would make the supporting ideas more fully extended and persuasive.

Coherence and Cohesion: Band 7.0

The letter is organised in a clear sequence: the opening states the request, the next paragraphs cover your learning and the company’s benefit, and the final paragraph explains why you want to stay. Paragraphing helps the reader follow each part, and linking expressions such as “Additionally” and “Having worked” support progression. The closing is also appropriate. Some connections are a little mechanical or repetitive, particularly the repeated use of “department” in the transfer paragraph and “company” in the final paragraph. You could improve flow by varying references—for example, “the paediatric team” or “my current employer”—and linking your acquired skills more directly to the proposed role.

Lexical Resource: Band 6.0

You use an adequate range of vocabulary for a formal workplace letter, including “career development,” “acquired,” “efficiency,” and “commendable.” These choices communicate your purpose and reasons clearly, and “geriatric” and “paediatric” show an attempt to use more specific terminology. However, some word choices and collocations are inaccurate or awkward: “working team work” is redundant and unnatural, while “an additional hand at the department” is less idiomatic than “an additional team member.” “Staff treatment” is also unclear; “the way staff are treated” would express your meaning more naturally. Greater control of collocation and more precise wording would strengthen the letter’s professional tone.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 6.0

The letter includes a mix of simple and more complex structures, such as “Having worked with the geriatric unit for two years…” and “because I believe that I still have so much to learn.” Most sentences are understandable, and the errors do not prevent the reader from following your request. Some grammatical issues remain: “Hope you are doing great?” is an incomplete question in this context; use “I hope you are doing well.” In “I would appreciate if I am transferred,” the conditional structure should be “I would appreciate it if I could be transferred.” The sentence “working in this unit has also taught me the importance of working team work” also needs a clearer grammatical construction. Check punctuation around the closing and use consistent sentence forms.

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