Band 5.5 IELTS Writing Task 1 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 5.5 · Cambridge IELTS 19 · 2026-10-16

IELTS Writing Task 1 question

 

You started in your present job two years ago. You now feel it is important for your career development to move to a different department in the same company.

Write a letter to your manager. In your letter

• say what you have learned in your present job
• suggest how the company would benefit from moving you to a different department
• explain why you do not wish to leave the company

You do NOT need to write any addresses.

Begin your letter as follows:

Dear ....................................,

Student answer (Band 5.5)

Dear sir,

I am writing this letter to request you to promote me from freshers position to intermediate position.

Well, I have learned various things in my present job from picking orders to uploading data in the system. however, now i feel it is indispensible for my career development to move to finance department to know how thing work there.

I believe promoting me to finance department would be highly beneficial because of my expertese in handling finances without any errors I feel it would be great advantage to the company bringing much profits with high margin.

Moreover, because of the company's national and international reputation it is very hard for me to leave the company. Additionally, the pay and the additional bonuses keep me stick to this company.

I would be grateful if you could promote me to higher designation.I am waiting for your response.

Your's sincerely,

Saniya khan.

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response: Band 5.0

You address the main purpose by requesting a move to the finance department and include points about what you have learned, how the company might benefit, and why you want to stay. However, the response only partially fulfils the task because some points are unclear or insufficiently developed. For example, “picking orders to uploading data” gives a brief account of your current duties, but you could explain what skills these tasks helped you develop. The claim that you have expertise in handling finances is not supported by an example, and the benefit to the company is asserted rather than explained. Your reason for staying is clear, though it focuses mainly on reputation and pay. Make the request specifically about a transfer, rather than a promotion, and develop each point with relevant detail.

Coherence and Cohesion: Band 5.5

The letter has a recognisable sequence: it introduces the request, describes current learning, gives a proposed benefit, and explains why you wish to remain. Paragraph breaks help separate these points, and connectors such as “Moreover” and “Additionally” show relationships between ideas. However, progression is sometimes weakened by abrupt or unclear links. The opening asks for a promotion, while the next paragraph describes moving departments, so the reader may be unsure whether you seek a new role or a transfer. The sentence about expertise and company profits also combines several ideas without clear development. Use a consistent purpose throughout and connect each paragraph more explicitly to the requested departmental move.

Lexical Resource: Band 5.5

You use some vocabulary relevant to workplace communication, including “career development,” “finance department,” “national and international reputation,” and “additional bonuses.” These choices make the general meaning understandable. However, word choice and collocation are sometimes inaccurate or awkward, as in “promote me to finance department,” “bringing much profits with high margin,” and “keep me stick to this company.” There are also spelling and form errors, including “indispensible” and “expertese,” which reduce the accuracy of the message. Aim for precise, natural phrases such as “transfer me to the finance department” and “contribute to the company’s profitability.” Proofreading spelling and choosing standard workplace expressions would make your vocabulary more effective.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 5.5

You communicate using a mixture of simple sentences and some longer structures, including the reason clause beginning “because of the company’s national and international reputation.” Most of the intended meaning can be followed, but errors in sentence construction and punctuation are noticeable. For example, “I believe promoting me to finance department would be highly beneficial because of my expertise … I feel it would be great advantage” joins two complete ideas without suitable punctuation or a clear connector. Articles and sentence patterns also need attention in “it is very hard for me to leave the company” and “it would be great advantage.” Capitalisation is inconsistent, as in “however” and “i.” Use full stops to separate ideas and check articles, sentence boundaries, and capital letters.

See this exact question answered at other band scores. The same prompt compared across bands.

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