Band 5.5 IELTS Writing Task 1 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 5.5 · Cambridge IELTS 19 · 2026-10-29

IELTS Writing Task 1 question

 

You started in your present job two years ago. You now feel it is important for your career development to move to a different department in the same company.

Write a letter to your manager. In your letter

• say what you have learned in your present job
• suggest how the company would benefit from moving you to a different department
• explain why you do not wish to leave the company

You do NOT need to write any addresses.

Begin your letter as follows:

Dear ....................................,

Student answer (Band 5.5)

Dear Sir/Madam,

The objective of my message today is to change my department, which will benefit the company and develop my career. Currently I am working in HR since 2024.

Initially, I started as an assistant human resource manager in your company. I learned how to keep the leave record and update employees profile and their documents. I also learned how to tackle with all this digitally.

As I passed my IT degree and learned about many applications which help us in our daily life operations. It will save our time significantly. I would like to introduce HRMIS system where we can keep the data of all empoyees and it would be quite easy to edit it and find it, simply we will enter date of birth and it will show you the record. Secondly I would like to introduce biometric attendance system, we can monitor arrival time and leaving time in this regard.

I want to grow myself in this company and furthermore I want to update company with all new inventions in technology, so company can focus on other operations and grow financially. I hope you will consider my application.

I look forward to hearing from you.

Yours Sincerely,

Ahmed Ammar

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response: Band 5.0

You make a relevant request to move departments and explain that you want to develop your career while remaining with the company. You also describe what you have learned in HR, including maintaining leave records and updating employee documents. However, the main purpose is not fully clear: you do not name the department you want to move to or explain what role you hope to take there. The proposed HRMIS and biometric systems show how your IT knowledge could benefit the company, but the link between these ideas and a transfer to another department is unclear. Develop this connection and explain more directly why staying with this company matters to you.

Coherence and Cohesion: Band 5.5

The letter follows a recognisable sequence: it introduces the request, describes your HR experience, presents technology ideas, and closes politely. Paragraphing helps separate these points, and phrases such as “Initially,” “Secondly,” and “I look forward to hearing from you” guide the reader. However, the progression is not always clear because the discussion shifts from requesting a department change to proposing systems for HR without explaining how the two are connected. Some linking is also mechanical, particularly the repeated use of “I learned” and “I would like.” Make each paragraph serve one clear purpose and use transitions to show how your experience supports the proposed move.

Lexical Resource: Band 5.5

You use relevant workplace vocabulary, including “leave record,” “employees profile,” “HRMIS system,” and “biometric attendance system,” which helps communicate your experience and proposals. There is some variety in expressions such as “develop my career” and “grow financially.” However, several word choices, collocations, and spelling errors reduce precision, including “tackle with,” “update company,” and “empoyees.” Some phrases are also vague or unnatural, such as “all new inventions in technology.” Aim for more accurate professional expressions and check spelling carefully. For example, describe the systems as tools you could implement, and specify the department or area where your IT skills would be most useful.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 5.5

You attempt both simple and more complex sentence forms, and the main message is generally understandable. For instance, you use a relative clause in “applications which help us” and a conditional structure in “it would be quite easy to edit it.” However, errors in sentence construction and grammatical forms occur throughout. “As I passed my IT degree and learned…” is an incomplete dependent clause, while “I started as an assistant human resource manager” does not clearly express the intended job title or progression. There are also problems with articles, plurals, and sentence boundaries, as in “update employees profile” and the long sentence beginning “Secondly I would like to introduce.” Review clause structure and punctuation, and proofread agreement and possessives.

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