Band 4.5 IELTS Writing Task 1 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 4.5 · Cambridge IELTS 19 · 2026-10-30

IELTS Writing Task 1 question

 

You started in your present job two years ago. You now feel it is important for your career development to move to a different department in the same company.

Write a letter to your manager. In your letter

• say what you have learned in your present job
• suggest how the company would benefit from moving you to a different department
• explain why you do not wish to leave the company

You do NOT need to write any addresses.

Begin your letter as follows:

Dear ....................................,

Student answer (Band 4.5)

Dear Robin Sir

I hope you are doing well. This email finds you suitable, firstly i wanted to thank you that two years ago you trusted my skills and hire me. In those two years i have gain alot of valuable knowledge about our machines. Such as troubleshooting, testing the pumps and reading the engineering drawing. After spending two year and looking at my growth, I wanted to approach you for higher position as a Mechanical technician. I beleive with my technical knowlegde about the softwares for engineering drawings and my skills of solving problem will be very beneficial for the company. As i can assure you, I can save alot of time by adjusting our drawings and changes our few basic things which is the main part to create a problem. So I like to consider my application for the Mechanical Technician In our company. For your reference I have attached an updated resume with this email.

Warm Regards

Ramit Kmar

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response: Band 3.5

You give relevant information about your experience, including troubleshooting, pump testing and reading engineering drawings, and you explain that your technical skills could help the company. However, the task is only partially addressed: you do not clearly identify a different department, and asking for a “higher position as a Mechanical technician” changes the request from a departmental move to a promotion. Most importantly, you do not explain why you want to remain with the company. The benefit is also asserted rather than developed; for example, clarify how your current knowledge would help the target department or improve its work. State the department you wish to join, give a specific reason for staying, and support the proposed benefit with a clear example.

Coherence and Cohesion: Band 4.5

The letter follows a broadly understandable order: it opens politely, describes what you have learned, makes a request and closes with a reference to your résumé. Linking phrases such as “After spending two year” and “As i can assure you” show an attempt to connect ideas, but the progression is not always clear. The request for a higher position, the explanation of company benefits and the attached résumé run together, while the reason for staying is absent. The response is also presented as one block, which makes its purpose harder to follow. Use separate paragraphs for your experience, your proposed move and its benefits, and your commitment to the company; make each transition explicit.

Lexical Resource: Band 5.0

You use some relevant workplace vocabulary, including “troubleshooting,” “pumps,” “engineering drawing,” “technical knowledge” and “Mechanical Technician.” This gives the reader a basic understanding of your experience and intended role. However, the range is limited, and several choices or spellings reduce the professional tone: “This email finds you suitable” is not a natural expression, while “alot,” “beleive,” “knowlegde” and “Kmar” contain spelling errors. Some phrases are also imprecise, such as “changes our few basic things.” Choose conventional formal expressions and more precise terms for the work you could undertake. Proofreading spelling and collocations would make your message clearer and more credible.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 5.0

You attempt both simple and longer sentence forms, and the main message is generally understandable. However, errors occur frequently in verb forms, agreement, articles and sentence construction. For example, “you trusted my skills and hire me” should use a past-tense verb, and “I have gain” needs a past participle. “After spending two year and looking at my growth, I wanted to approach you” has an unclear structure and inconsistent tense. The sentence beginning “As i can assure you” is also awkwardly attached to the preceding idea. Use consistent past tense for your experience and clear present or conditional forms for the proposal. Shorter, complete sentences will help you express the benefits accurately.

See this exact question answered at other band scores. The same prompt compared across bands.

Browse more IELTS Writing model answers or get your own writing scored by the same AI examiner.