Band 5.5 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 5.5 · IELTS Academic Practice Accelerator · 2026-11-06

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

Smoking can cause serious illnesses and should be made illegal.

To what extent do you agree?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Student answer (Band 5.5)

Smoking can result to serious diseases and should be banned.I am strongly of the opinion it has caused serious illnesses and the reasons will be discussed.

To start with, one serious illness smoking has resulted to is increase in lung cancer disease. Before now, there has been less number of individuals who smoke marijuana, but recently, alot of people smoke weed on daily basis. Some smoke 7-8 packs a day and statistics has shown that increase in smoking has raised the number of lung cancer patients to 45%. For instance, in federal teaching hospital, the oncology unit has raised awareness on the increase in number of patients who suffer from lung cancer resulting from smoking.

Similarly, increase in mental illness is another serious illness smoking has caused. The rate at which young people consume cocaine is so alarming. Nowadays, people are suffering from mania disease which is a harmful mental issue as a result of smoking. For instance, in federal psychiatric hospital, there has never been a record where young adults suffer from such mental ill health. But, increase in smoking has resulted to rise in psychological conditions like mania which should not have been the case if smoking was avoided.

Furthermore, there is now increase in crimes in the society. The rate young females are now sexually assaulted and killed has been linked to increase rate of smoking amongst younger adults. For example, about 40 women had been raped and murdered by their boyfriends. The excuse they give was being under the influence of drugs which shouldnt be so if smoking was banned.

In conclusion, smoking has caused serious illnesses affecting the health of our youths by causing lung cancer disease as well as psychological conditions like mania including the increase in rate rate of killings. I am still strongly of the view smoking should be made illegal.

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response: Band 5.5

Your position is clear: you support making smoking illegal, and the response gives several reasons, including lung cancer and mental-health effects. However, the discussion only partly addresses the task because examples about cocaine, marijuana, and other drugs blur the focus on smoking, and the claim linking smoking to rape and murder is not clearly relevant to serious illnesses or convincingly supported. The hospital examples and statistics are presented without enough explanation of their source or how they establish the claimed link. To strengthen the response, focus on well-supported health consequences of tobacco smoking, explain each cause-and-effect connection, and address the implications of making smoking illegal, such as enforcement or personal choice. This would make the argument more fully developed and consistently relevant.

Coherence and Cohesion: Band 6.0

The response has a recognisable structure: an introduction, three body paragraphs signalled by “To start with,” “Similarly,” and “Furthermore,” and a conclusion that restates your position. This gives the reader an overall route through the argument. However, the progression is weakened when the second paragraph shifts from smoking to cocaine and the third moves from health effects to crime. Some links are also mechanical or unclear: “Similarly” suggests a parallel point, but the paragraph’s focus changes, while “which should not be the case” does not clearly identify the idea it refers to. Keep each paragraph centred on one relevant claim and use linking phrases that show the precise relationship between ideas. Clearer references and transitions would make the organisation more convincing.

Lexical Resource: Band 5.5

You use some topic-related vocabulary, including “lung cancer,” “oncology unit,” “mental illness,” and “psychological conditions,” which helps communicate the subject. There are also attempts at more formal phrasing, such as “strongly of the opinion” and “raised awareness.” However, word choice and collocation are often inaccurate or repetitive: “resulted to” is used where “led to” is needed, “increase in lung cancer disease” is awkward, and “mania disease” is not a natural expression. The repeated use of “increase” and “smoking” also limits flexibility. Choose precise terms for tobacco-related health effects and avoid treating smoking, marijuana, and cocaine as interchangeable. More accurate collocations and a wider range of relevant vocabulary would improve clarity.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 5.5

You attempt a mixture of simple and complex sentences, including clauses beginning “Before now,” “For instance,” and “which should not have been the case.” Most of the main ideas remain understandable, but errors in sentence construction and punctuation recur. For example, “Smoking can result to serious diseases and should be banned.I am” needs a space and clearer sentence separation, while “the rate young females are now sexually assaulted” is missing a grammatical link such as “at which.” There are also problems with articles and number, as in “increase in lung cancer disease” and “increase in rate rate of killings.” Aim to form complete, controlled clauses and check sentence boundaries, articles, and singular/plural agreement. Greater accuracy in these areas would make your argument easier to follow.

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