Band 4.0 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 4.0 · IELTS Summit Mastery · 2026-09-03

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

The position of women has changed a great deal in many societies over the past 50 years. But these societies cannot claim to have achieved gender equality

To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your knowledge or experience.

Student answer (Band 4.0)

The pie charts compare the online sales of four retail sectors (travel, film/music, books and clothes) in New Zealand in 2003 and 2013.

Overall, In the first year, the travel was largest retail sectors among the four categories. The travel made up the largest share to online sales. Clothes made up slightly greater than film/music. The book has the smallest share in online sales. For the second year, the film/music represented the largest proportion of online sales. Where travel fell to the second place. Books registered a small increase and rise up clothes. Clothes has the smallest share in their sales.

In 2003, the travel was the largest retail sector, accounting for 36% of online sales. The clothes and film/music had similar proportion, at 24% and 21% respectively. In 2003, books had the smallest share in online sales, at about 19%.

In 2013, film/music was the largest retail sector, at about 33%. The share of travel decreases to around 29%. Books also increase in 2013 and reached 22%. Clothes had the smallest share in 2013, at about 16%.

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response — Band 1.0

The response is completely off-topic. The prompt asks for an essay regarding gender equality in society, but the student has provided a report describing pie charts about online retail sales in New Zealand. Because the response does not address the prompt at all, it cannot be assessed for task achievement in relation to the essay question. Furthermore, the response is significantly under the 250-word minimum requirement, which further impacts the score. To improve, you must carefully read the prompt and ensure your response directly answers the specific question asked.

Coherence and Cohesion — Band 5.0

The response is organised into paragraphs, and there is a basic attempt at logical progression by comparing the two years. However, the cohesive devices used are repetitive and sometimes mechanical (e.g., 'In 2003', 'In 2013'). While the text is easy to follow, the lack of relevance to the actual task makes the overall coherence irrelevant to the prompt's requirements. The paragraphing is sufficient for a report, but the content is entirely misaligned with the task instructions.

Lexical Resource — Band 5.0

The vocabulary is limited and repetitive, focusing on basic terms like 'largest', 'share', 'increase', and 'proportion'. There is little evidence of a range of vocabulary suitable for an academic essay. While the words used are generally accurate in the context of describing data, they are not sophisticated. To reach a higher band, you should incorporate more varied synonyms and precise academic collocations rather than relying on simple descriptive language.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy — Band 5.0

The response contains several grammatical errors, such as 'the travel was largest retail sectors' (article and pluralization errors) and 'rise up clothes' (incorrect phrasal verb usage). There is a mix of simple and some complex structures, but the accuracy is inconsistent. Frequent errors in subject-verb agreement and article usage are present throughout the text. To improve, focus on proofreading for basic grammatical accuracy and ensuring that your sentence structures are varied and correctly formed.

See this exact question answered at other band scores — the same prompt compared across bands.

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