Band 4.5 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 4.5 · IELTS Summit Mastery · 2026-10-11

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

The position of women has changed a great deal in many societies over the past 50 years. But these societies cannot claim to have achieved gender equality

To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your knowledge or experience.

Student answer (Band 4.5)

Numerous people believes that the position of women has changed a great deal in societies over the last 50 years while some people think that these societies cannot prove that women to have achieved gender quality. From my perspectives, there are many different things who decided that women have a vital position in our country as compare to last fifty years.

On the one hand, before fifty years ago, the dignity of women is very week and people considered as ominous. The strength of girls in school, college and university were lower because this activity were not better in our society but nowadays there are many women who are doctors, engineers, police officers and settle in many other positions. For instance, just one thing who I noticed that the position of women is very expensive.

On the other hand, the society cannot claim that women achieved gender equality because women can never reach this stage where are mens because men have a strong impact on all matters and problems. Similarly, as we know women were given a great position in Islam, but to some extent such as women can work in home but men can feel relaxed and work at any place like office, college and university as a teacher,in hospital as a doctor.

In conclusion, the main reason behind this changed because we following the rules of Islam. If we are not followed these rules, one day we will damage. That's why such thungs are vital in our daily life.

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response: Band 4.0

You address the topic by describing changes in women’s roles and arguing that equality has not been achieved, so the response is relevant. However, your position is not consistently clear: the opening refers to different views, while the conclusion focuses on following religious rules rather than directly answering how far you agree. Supporting points are also limited or unclear. For example, the claim that women’s position is “very expensive” does not explain the intended point, and the comparison between women working at home and men working elsewhere needs clearer reasoning and relevant examples. The response is 241 words, below the 250-word minimum; this limits the opportunity to develop your argument. State your degree of agreement clearly and explain each main reason with a specific example.

Coherence and Cohesion: Band 5.0

The response has a recognisable structure: an introduction, two body paragraphs beginning “On the one hand” and “On the other hand,” and a conclusion. These paragraph divisions help the reader identify the broad stages of your answer. However, there is not a clear progression from the points in the body to the conclusion, which introduces following religious rules without establishing this as the central argument. Some linking phrases are used mechanically, and references such as “this activity” and “such things” do not clearly identify the ideas they refer to. The example about women’s occupations also ends with an unclear statement. To improve, organise each paragraph around one explicit claim, connect examples directly to it, and make the conclusion restate the position developed in the essay.

Lexical Resource: Band 4.5

You use some topic-related vocabulary, including “gender equality,” “dignity,” “doctors,” “engineers,” and “police officers,” which helps establish the subject. However, the range is limited and several inaccurate or unnatural choices make key ideas difficult to understand. “Gender quality” appears instead of “gender equality,” “very week” seems to mean “very weak,” and describing women’s position as “very expensive” does not convey a clear meaning. Phrases such as “the strength of girls in school” and “settle in many other positions” are also imprecise. Aim to learn common collocations for discussing social change and employment, and check that each word expresses the intended idea. More precise vocabulary would make your argument easier to follow.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 4.5

You attempt both simple and longer sentence forms, including clauses introduced by “because” and “while,” and the overall meaning can often be inferred. However, errors are frequent, and some sentences are difficult to interpret. Examples include “Numerous people believes,” where the subject and verb do not agree, and “women to have achieved,” which has an incorrect verb pattern. Tense and article use are also inconsistent, as in “before fifty years ago, the dignity of women is” and “the society cannot claim that women achieved.” The final sentence, “If we are not followed these rules,” has a faulty conditional structure. Practise accurate subject–verb agreement, past and present tense choices, and complete conditional forms before adding more complex clauses.

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