Band 4.5 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 4.5 · IELTS Momentum Workout · 2026-10-19

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

In some societies, obesity is regarded as a major problem. Some people believe that junk food advertising is largely to blame for this problem and should be banned. However, others feel that junk food advertising does not contribute to the problem of obesity and should not be banned.

Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

You should use your own ideas, knowledge and experience·and support your arguments with examples and relevant evidence. Write at least 250 words.

Student answer (Band 4.5)

In my point of view being overweight it's not depends on the advertising of unhealthy foods.

There are so many reasons behind that people who are over weight are not only influenced by the promotion of fast foods items only. Being over weight it's not their fault but it's sometimes happend for their genetic problems additionally . Or eles unmanaged lifestyle are as well responsible for obesity. People who don't have a clear moreover systemic routine they can't have control in their health moreover can gain weight easily. A proper plan and exercise can reduce obesity easily.

Promopting of junk foods indirectly helps to increase obesity although it can't play the main rules for gain obesity easily however it influenced people for eat more for that their nutrition plan can be break for a while whereas i believe that it can't be the main reason for obesity as an alternative of gain weight. Due to its can be ignored for who are very health conscious plus who followed a proper diet plan as well as excrise either doing gym regularly.

So in the colusion i can say and believe that only publicity of unhealthy as much as junk food can't be the only reason of obesity.

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response: Band 4.5

You give a clear overall view that advertising is not the main cause of obesity, and you acknowledge that promotion can encourage people to eat more. You also introduce other relevant factors, including genetics, lifestyle and exercise. However, the task asks you to discuss both views, and the opposing argument—that advertising contributes substantially and should therefore be banned—is not developed. Your position is repeated rather than supported with specific examples or evidence. The response also does not meet the stated 250-word minimum, which limits how fully you can address the question. To improve, explain the strongest case for a ban, then support your own view with a concrete example and a fuller conclusion.

Coherence and Cohesion: Band 4.5

The response has a basic paragraph structure: it introduces your position, gives reasons, considers advertising, and ends with a conclusion. Some progression is visible, particularly when you move from genetics and lifestyle to the influence of promotion. However, the argument is difficult to follow in places because ideas are crowded together and links are often inaccurate or repetitive. For example, the second paragraph uses “moreover” several times, while the long sentence beginning “Promopting of junk foods indirectly helps” combines several contrasting points without clear boundaries. The conclusion also repeats the opening claim rather than drawing the discussion together. Use one main idea per paragraph, clearer sentence breaks, and linking expressions that show the exact relationship between ideas.

Lexical Resource: Band 5.0

You use relevant topic vocabulary such as “obesity,” “genetic problems,” “promotion,” “health conscious” and “diet plan,” so the reader can identify the subject and your main position. There is some attempt to express distinctions, for example that advertising may influence eating but is not the “main reason.” However, the range is limited and several word choices or forms are inaccurate or unclear, including “main rules,” “gain obesity,” “publicity of unhealthy,” and “systemic routine.” Spelling errors such as “happend,” “excrise” and “colusion” also reduce accuracy. Build a more precise set of collocations for causes and effects, such as “contribute to weight gain” and “promote unhealthy eating habits,” and check spelling before submitting.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 4.5

You attempt both simple statements and longer sentences with contrast, such as “although it can't play the main rules … however it influenced people.” This shows an effort to connect ideas, but control is weak: many sentences contain errors in verb forms, agreement, articles or sentence construction, and these sometimes make the meaning hard to follow. For instance, “being overweight it's not depends” has an incorrect verb pattern, while “people who don't have a clear … routine they can't have control” needs a clearer clause structure. The sentence beginning “Due to its can be ignored” is also grammatically incomplete. Practise accurate basic clauses first, then combine them using one clear conjunction at a time. Check subject–verb agreement and verb patterns when editing.

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