Band 4.5 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 4.5 · Cambridge IELTS 17 · 2026-09-05

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

Some people say that the main environmental problem of our time is the loss of particular species of plants and animals. Others say that there are more important environmental problems.

Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Student answer (Band 4.5)

Nowadays, this is a widespread problem among young people to spend a lot of time using smartphones. I think it happens because many parents give their children mobile phones to keep them occupied, because they do not have free time to play with them. I truly believe this is a negative development, because children who spend too many time with their smartphones struggle with a lack of communication, becoming more withdrawn. Besides that, they lose the ability to concentrate, which can lead to problems with academic performance and in the future at work.

Firstly, many children have access to smartphones and various gadgets since their early childhood. It happens because of wide availability of smartphones in modern time. Parents do not see the need to buy their children books or board games anymore, because smartphones include them all. Many children, although, prefer to play uncomplicated games, which leads to difficulties in the future. For example, in Russia, in public spaces many parents prefer to give their children a phone and talk with friends or go shopping rather than spend time with them.

Secondly, the widespread using of smartphones among children is a negative development. Those who mainly communicate with people online or do not communicate at all, are struggle to talk with people in real life, despite that real communication is very important to children’s socialization. Furthermore, a child who get used to online short videos and fast actions in games loses the ability to concentrate on study material, which leads to drawbacks in academical results. For example, in Russian schools the rate of those who failed the national exam in Russian language, because pupils cannot express thoughts in long sentences and think about the topic because they too much use social media which do not imply it.

In conclusion, many children start to use smartphones early because of parents who accustom them to this. This is a very negative development, because very frequent using of mobile phones leads to loosing of concentration and ability to communicate which leads to significant problems in the future.

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response — Band 1.0

The response is completely off-topic. The prompt asks for a discussion on environmental issues, specifically the loss of species versus other environmental problems. However, the essay discusses the impact of smartphones on children. As the response fails to address the task requirements entirely, it cannot be assessed for task achievement in relation to the prompt provided. In an actual examination, this would result in a score of 0 or a significant penalty for irrelevance.

Coherence and Cohesion — Band 5.5

The essay is organized into logical paragraphs with clear topic sentences, such as 'Firstly' and 'Secondly'. Cohesive devices like 'Furthermore' and 'In conclusion' are used to link ideas. While the content is irrelevant to the prompt, the internal structure of the argument is coherent and easy to follow, demonstrating a reasonable ability to organize thoughts into a standard essay format.

Lexical Resource — Band 5.5

The vocabulary is generally adequate for expressing ideas, though it lacks sophistication. There are some awkward collocations and word choices, such as 'widespread using' instead of 'widespread use' and 'academical results' instead of 'academic results'. The range is sufficient to convey the intended meaning, but it does not demonstrate the flexibility or precision required for higher bands.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy — Band 5.5

The essay contains a mix of simple and complex sentence structures. However, there are frequent grammatical errors, such as 'spend too many time' (should be 'too much time'), 'a child who get used to' (should be 'gets used to'), and 'they too much use' (should be 'they use too much'). While these errors are noticeable, they do not generally impede the reader's understanding of the student's intended message.

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