Band 4.5 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 4.5 · IELTS Momentum Workout · 2026-10-27

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

Some people think that the fictional violence portrayed on television is harmless entertainment. Others disagree and think that it encourages violent behaviour.

Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Student answer (Band 4.5)

People have different views about fictional violence portrayed on television. Some believe that the fictional violence portrayed on television is harmless entertainment, while others argue that think that it encourages violent behaviour. This essay will dicuss both views before giving my own opinion.

On the one hand, many people believe that the fictional violence portrayed on television is harmless entertainment. One reason for this is that the fictional violence is badly impact on our young generation, they distrcats the children and change the way of thinking due to the fictional violence the youth see this on TV, mobile etc they also do this which they see. For example, at the at of 17 i was totally distrubs due to the fictional violence portrayed on television. Initailly i enjoy the movement with my friends, However later on my way of thinking change after i came to school i see this ads and videos. As a results, i fail in my exam after sometime i realized this was wrong but my whole years of the study was wasted.

On the other hand, some people argue that that it encourages violent behaviour. This is because watching such content is an easy way of keeping ourselves entertained. We have to accept the fact that this is the type of content that brings in large viewership to channels, which in turn provides jobs to millions in the entertainment industry.

In conclusion, although both views have their merits, I belive that it encourages violent behaviour because several people can achives job from this and numerous of ads videos is benefical for us.

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response: Band 3.5

You introduce both views and give a personal example, but the discussion does not clearly or accurately fulfil the task. The first body paragraph says fictional violence has a “badly impact” and describes harmful effects, which supports the view that it encourages violence rather than the claim that it is harmless entertainment. The second paragraph explains that such content attracts viewers and creates jobs, but does not explain why this makes it harmless. Your conclusion is also unclear: it appears to support violent behaviour because it creates jobs and advertising, rather than stating a reasoned position on the effects of fictional violence. The response is 246 words, below the 250-word minimum; develop each side and make your opinion explicit.

Coherence and Cohesion: Band 4.5

The response has a recognisable essay structure, with an introduction, two body paragraphs signposted by “On the one hand” and “On the other hand,” and a conclusion. This gives the reader a basic route through the discussion. However, progression within the first body paragraph is difficult to follow: the ideas about children, your experience at age 17, school, and exam results are joined in a long sequence without clear links. The contrast markers also do not match the arguments, since the first paragraph describes harm rather than harmless entertainment. Use shorter, clearly focused sentences and connect each example directly to the view it supports; ensure the conclusion follows logically from the body paragraphs.

Lexical Resource: Band 4.5

You use some topic-related vocabulary, including “fictional violence,” “violent behaviour,” “viewership,” and “entertainment industry,” and you attempt to express personal experience. However, vocabulary is often repetitive, especially the repeated phrase “fictional violence portrayed on television,” and several inaccurate word choices or forms make meaning unclear, such as “badly impact,” “distrcats,” “movement,” and “achives job.” Spelling errors such as “dicuss,” “belive,” and “Initailly” also reduce accuracy. Build a more reliable range of expressions for effects and opinions, and check spelling and collocations. For example, use “has a harmful effect” rather than “badly impact,” and “attracts a large audience” rather than “brings in large viewership.”

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 5.0

You attempt a mix of simple and complex sentences, including a contrast clause in the introduction and a reason clause beginning “This is because.” Some sentence structures are understandable, but errors are frequent enough to make parts difficult to follow. For example, “the fictional violence is badly impact on our young generation, they distrcats the children” joins clauses incorrectly and has faulty verb structure. The sequence “after i came to school i see this ads” shifts tense and lacks clear sentence boundaries. There are also agreement and article problems in phrases such as “several people can achives job.” Practise forming one complete idea per sentence, maintaining past tense in your personal example, and checking subject–verb agreement and punctuation.

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