Band 4.5 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 4.5 · IELTS Complete Catalyst · 2026-11-05

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

In some countries, it can be very difficult for people over the age of 50 to get good jobs, despite their experience.

What do you think are the causes of this problem, and what measures could be taken to solve it?

You should use your own ideas, knowledge and experience and support your arguments with examples and relevant evidence.

Student answer (Band 4.5)

People with over fifty years are having trouble to find better opportunity in working, whether or not their knowlegde and experience. It's a global issue for elders who needs to work for living. However, there is people who wanna do a job for their enjoyment.

Most of the people over fifty has a children and they are trying to carry out their family. Unless they had a problem with aging. Even though they have good experience and smartness they can't fight against the owner or director. For instance, in Hollywood most of the actors start fading when they gets old. However, there is still people who's still hanging in their career. Those actors were the best on their prime that you can't argue. Therefore, people are misunderstanding that people who was peak in their prime is still good at their job. Maybe they just need to work for wealthy or career the way they don't wanna end up whole career of their lives.

Nevertheless, people who retired or wanna have is the biggest trouble for them. The reason is they have to work is for living. This is the risk that you has been taken. Which is why you have to keen on your majority. Let's compare normal worker and professional basketball player. The worker could keep going until they have to or wanna retire. On the other hand, basketball player will retire since their 40s. That demonstrates huge amount of difference.

In conclusion, I believe that majority of your job is crucial. What most people are working is wealthness. Moreover if you are having better salary than most there will be no doubt with their life and career.

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response: Band 4.0

You identify that older workers may face age-related barriers and financial pressure, and the Hollywood and basketball examples show an effort to illustrate differences between careers. However, the response only minimally answers the two required parts. Causes are suggested—such as ageing and employers’ attitudes—but are not clearly explained, and the examples do not establish how these factors prevent people over 50 from getting good jobs. More importantly, you do not propose practical measures to solve the problem. The conclusion focuses on salary and the importance of a job rather than answering the question. To strengthen the response, state the main causes directly, then develop specific solutions, such as age-discrimination enforcement, retraining, or incentives for employers, with relevant explanations.

Coherence and Cohesion: Band 4.0

The response has an introduction, several body paragraphs, and a conclusion, so there is an attempt to organise the discussion. Some linking expressions, including “However,” “For instance,” and “On the other hand,” signal relationships between ideas. Nevertheless, the information is not arranged coherently: the discussion moves from family responsibilities to actors, then retirement and basketball, without a clear progression addressing causes and solutions. Several connections are difficult to follow, such as “Therefore, people are misunderstanding…” and “This is the risk that you has been taken.” Paragraphs also do not consistently develop one central point, and the conclusion does not follow from a clearly established argument. Plan one paragraph for causes and another for measures, using each topic sentence to guide the reader.

Lexical Resource: Band 5.0

You use some vocabulary relevant to the topic, including “experience,” “retired,” “career,” “salary,” and “professional basketball player,” and you attempt phrases such as “fading” and “in their prime.” However, the range is limited and several inaccurate or informal choices make meaning unclear. Examples include “better opportunity in working,” “carry out their family,” “wealthness,” and “wanna”; these are either unnatural or unsuitable for an academic essay. Spelling errors such as “knowlegde” also reduce accuracy. Aim to learn topic-specific collocations and use a consistently formal register. For example, describe older people as “workers over 50,” say they “support their families,” and refer to “financial security” rather than “wealthness.”

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 5.0

You attempt a mixture of simple sentences and more complex forms, including clauses beginning with “Even though,” “Unless,” and “On the other hand.” This shows some willingness to vary sentence structure. However, complex attempts are often faulty, and frequent errors sometimes make the intended meaning difficult to understand. For example, “Most of the people over fifty has” has a subject–verb agreement error, while “there is people” and “people who was peak” also show agreement problems. “Unless they had a problem with aging” is an incomplete and unclear clause, and “since their 40s” lacks an appropriate verb construction. Work on complete sentence formation, agreement, and clear clause relationships; then check each sentence for a subject and a correctly formed verb.

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