Band 4.5 IELTS Writing Task 2 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 4.5 · IELTS Complete Catalyst · 2026-10-21

IELTS Writing Task 2 question

In some countries, it can be very difficult for people over the age of 50 to get good jobs, despite their experience.

What do you think are the causes of this problem, and what measures could be taken to solve it?

You should use your own ideas, knowledge and experience and support your arguments with examples and relevant evidence.

Student answer (Band 4.5)

in my regards the issues being faced in the jobs of over 50's is their bad health but i would not say that it is main reason for this because many please above fifty haven been still sturdy and healthy because of their good hygiene and routine . but i my perspective no company or institutions can give insurance to person who are oldage because they have to run a system in which there is no chance of risk. that's why they prefer younger person more eligible for jobs than older. but this not going to true in everycase becouse there is also probability that old experienced person might be more capable as compared to young unexperienced person. the issue to solve this employment rate must be balanced between youth and olderones so that overage persons may not have to face the problem that they are being injusticed nor the youth that they are backbone of country future and they have been ignored. i think that there must be a system in which people who are overage are being inspected they have equal right to employment but i must be insured that there hve been assigned a timeperiod for which they have to work if they would got retirement earlier they will not going to get retirement amount. i think this is best way keep equality among youth and olders. that's all on my part but this perception varies from person to person and place to place

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response: Band 4.5

You identify a relevant cause—employers’ concern about the cost or risk of insuring older workers—and suggest balancing employment opportunities between older people and young people. However, the response addresses the task only partially: the cause is not clearly explained, and the proposed measures, such as inspecting older applicants and setting a work period before retirement benefits are paid, are difficult to understand and are not justified. The opening discussion of health is also left unresolved. There is no clear, developed position or supporting example, and the final comment that views vary does not strengthen the argument. The response is three words below the required minimum. To improve, explain one or two causes fully and give practical, clearly reasoned measures with an example.

Coherence and Cohesion: Band 4.0

There is a basic line of thought: you move from possible health concerns to employers’ insurance worries, then to a proposed balance between age groups. Linking expressions such as “but,” “because,” and “that’s why” show attempts to connect ideas. However, the response is presented as one long paragraph, so the cause and solution are not clearly separated. Several connections are difficult to follow, particularly the shift from equal employment rights to retirement payments. Repeated use of “but” and “i think” also makes the progression feel repetitive, while references such as “this” and “they” are sometimes unclear. Use separate paragraphs for causes and solutions, and make each sentence develop one point in a clear sequence.

Lexical Resource: Band 5.0

You use some vocabulary relevant to the topic, including “insurance,” “employment,” “experienced,” “capable,” and “retirement.” These terms help communicate the general subject. However, the range is limited and several word choices or collocations make the meaning unclear, such as “the issues being faced in the jobs,” “sturdy and healthy,” and “being injusticed.” Spelling and word-form errors, including “becouse,” “unexperienced,” and “oldage,” are also noticeable and can slow the reader. Aim for precise, natural phrases for employment and age discrimination, and check spelling carefully. Replacing informal or unclear expressions with standard academic wording would make your argument easier to understand.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 5.0

You attempt to connect ideas in longer sentences using “because,” “that,” and “if,” showing some effort to use more than simple sentence patterns. However, complex sentences are often faulty, and errors frequently make the relationships between ideas difficult to follow. For example, “no company or institutions can give insurance to person who are oldage” has problems with agreement, articles, and sentence structure; “if they would got retirement earlier” also has an incorrect conditional form. Capitalisation and punctuation are inconsistent, and several sentences run together without clear boundaries. Practise building accurate short sentences first, then combine them with one subordinate clause at a time. Check subject–verb agreement, articles, and verb forms before submitting.

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