Band 6.0 IELTS Writing Task 1 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 6.0 · Cambridge IELTS 21 · 2026-08-01

IELTS Writing Task 1 question

The graph below gives information about the number of jobs in four sectors of the economy in the US between 1960 and 2020.

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

Number of jobs in four sectors of the economy in the US, 1960-2020

Student answer (Band 6.0)

The graph illustrates the information about the number of Occupation in four region of the economy in the US from 1960 to 2020. In 1960, around 15 million people worked in manufacturing. This number rose to approximately 20 million in 1980 before decreased to about 12 million by 2000. moreover, 6 million people worked in retail and then rose in 1990 and 10 million people working and continue rose at 15 million at the end of the period. By 1960, healthcare experienced significant growth, rising from about 5 million jobs to nearly 15% million in 2020 and rose in the end. Furthermore similar employee in agriculture increased from around 2 million to approximately 13 million over the same period. Overall, manufacturing was the largest employer at the beginning of the period but figure declined after a period. agriculture and healthcare increased steadily, while retail is gradualy fell down.

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response — Band 5.5

The response covers the main features of the graph, but it is slightly under the 150-word minimum, which impacts the score. While you identify key trends, some data points are inaccurate or confusing, such as the mention of '15% million' and the claim that retail 'fell down' when the graph shows an upward trend. The overview is present but lacks clarity regarding the overall relationships between the sectors. To improve, ensure you double-check your data transcription and provide a more precise summary of the trends, ensuring you meet the minimum word count requirement to avoid a penalty.

Coherence and Cohesion — Band 6.0

The essay is organised into paragraphs, which is a positive step. However, the logical progression is hindered by awkward phrasing and a lack of effective cohesive devices. Transitions like 'moreover' and 'furthermore' are used, but they do not always connect ideas logically. The referencing is sometimes unclear, making it difficult for the reader to follow the comparison between the four sectors. To improve, focus on using linking words to show contrast or addition more naturally and ensure that each paragraph has a clear, singular focus.

Lexical Resource — Band 6.0

Your vocabulary is somewhat limited and repetitive. You use basic terms like 'rose' and 'increased' multiple times. There are also errors in word choice, such as 'Occupation' instead of 'occupations' or 'sectors', and 'region' instead of 'sectors'. The phrase '15% million' is a clear error in expression. To reach a higher band, try to incorporate a wider range of synonyms for trends, such as 'fluctuated', 'surged', or 'remained stable', and ensure you use terminology appropriate for describing economic data.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy — Band 5.5

The response contains frequent grammatical errors that occasionally impede clarity. There are issues with verb tense consistency (e.g., 'before decreased' instead of 'before decreasing') and subject-verb agreement (e.g., 'figure declined' instead of 'the figure declined'). Sentence structures are mostly simple, and there is a lack of complex sentence forms. Punctuation is also inconsistent. To improve, focus on mastering basic sentence construction, specifically ensuring that verbs are in the correct tense and that articles (a/an/the) are used appropriately before nouns.

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