Band 6.0 IELTS Writing Task 1 Model Answer
Overall Band Score: 6.0 · Cambridge IELTS 21 · 2026-08-06
IELTS Writing Task 1 question
The graph below gives information about the number of jobs in four sectors of the economy in the US between 1960 and 2020.
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
Number of jobs in four sectors of the economy in the US, 1960-2020
Student answer (Band 6.0)
The line chart illustrates the data on employment levels in four different key industries in United States between 1960 and 2020.
Overall,retail and healthcare represents upward trends over the whole period from 1960 to 2020,while the employment level of agriculture was steadily declined.In addition, manufacturing shows upswing trend from 1960 to 1980 but then this fugure was slightly decreased until the final year.
To begin with, in 1960 ,manufacturing had 15 millions jobs and this proportion significantly increased for the next 20 years .In addtion,number of jobs in manufacture stood at 20 millions in 1980.From the year 1980 to 2020, this figures gradually deteriorated and approximately 13 millions in the last year.
Furthermore,number of jobs in retail and manufacture was around 6 millions and 3 millions respectively in 1960 and this rate was gradually accelarated over the period and just over 15 millions in 2020 ,for both industries.
In contrast,Agriculture had the minor proportion of employment in 1960 ,which is around 6 millions ,then it was steadily decreased and stood at about 3 millions in 2020.
AI examiner evaluation
| Criterion | Band |
|---|---|
| Task Achievement / Task Response | 6.0 |
| Coherence and Cohesion | 6.0 |
| Lexical Resource | 6.0 |
| Grammatical Range and Accuracy | 5.5 |
| Overall | 6.0 |
Task Achievement / Task Response — Band 6.0
The response covers all four sectors and identifies the main trends. However, there are some inaccuracies in the data reporting. For instance, you state that retail and manufacturing were 6 and 3 million respectively in 1960, but the graph shows different values. Additionally, you mention 'retail and manufacture' in the same sentence, which is confusing as they are distinct categories. The overview is present but could be more precise by highlighting the most significant changes rather than just listing trends. To improve, ensure you carefully cross-reference the data points with the graph axes to avoid factual errors.
Coherence and Cohesion — Band 6.0
The essay is organised into logical paragraphs, and there is a clear attempt to use cohesive devices such as 'To begin with', 'Furthermore', and 'In contrast'. However, the flow is occasionally hindered by mechanical phrasing and some awkward transitions. The referencing is sometimes unclear, particularly when grouping industries together in the fourth paragraph. While the overall progression is logical, the use of cohesive devices could be more natural and varied to improve the flow between sentences and ideas.
Lexical Resource — Band 6.0
You demonstrate an adequate range of vocabulary for the task, using terms like 'upward trends', 'deteriorated', and 'accelerated'. However, there are several word choice errors and inaccuracies, such as using 'fugure' (typo for figure), 'upswing trend' (redundant), and 'minor proportion' (less natural than 'smallest share'). Some collocations are also slightly off, such as 'steadily declined' (should be 'steadily declined' or 'was in steady decline'). Expanding your vocabulary to include more precise reporting verbs and nouns would help elevate your score.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy — Band 5.5
The response uses a mix of simple and complex sentence structures. There are frequent grammatical errors, particularly with subject-verb agreement (e.g., 'retail and healthcare represents') and article usage (e.g., 'in United States'). Punctuation is also inconsistent, with missing spaces after commas and periods. While these errors do not completely impede communication, they are frequent enough to prevent a higher band score. Focusing on proofreading for basic subject-verb agreement and article placement will significantly improve the accuracy of your writing.
See this exact question answered at other band scores — the same prompt compared across bands.
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