Band 5.5 IELTS Writing Task 1 Model Answer
Overall Band Score: 5.5 · Cambridge IELTS 21 · 2026-08-07
IELTS Writing Task 1 question
The graph below gives information about the number of jobs in four sectors of the economy in the US between 1960 and 2020.
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
Number of jobs in four sectors of the economy in the US, 1960-2020
Student answer (Band 5.5)
The information about the number of jobs in four sectors -manufacturing,retail, agriculture and healthcare from1960 to 2020 has been depicted by the line graph.The data is calibrated in million.
Overall,it is clear that employment in manufacturing sector and agriculture sector declined over the time period.however ,the figures for retail and healthcare rise over the time period.
In 1960, jobs in manufacturing sector was the highest,stood at 15 million .by 1980, the figures climbed to 20 million before declining to 13 million by 2020.In contrast . Employment in agriculture sector declined over the time period,6 million in 1960, however by 1980, figures fell to 3 million and followed the same trend .by the end of the period,the number reached to 2 million.
Retail sector and healthcare sector experienced a notable rise in the jobs in the given time period.in 1960
The figures were at 6 million and 3 However, jobs in both sector rise over the time period , reached to the peak of 16 million by 2020.
AI examiner evaluation
| Criterion | Band |
|---|---|
| Task Achievement / Task Response | 5.5 |
| Coherence and Cohesion | 5.5 |
| Lexical Resource | 5.5 |
| Grammatical Range and Accuracy | 5.5 |
| Overall | 5.5 |
Task Achievement / Task Response — Band 5.5
The response covers all four sectors and identifies the main trends, such as the decline in manufacturing and agriculture versus the growth in retail and healthcare. However, the overview is slightly underdeveloped, and some data points are inaccurate or missing. For instance, the statement that retail and healthcare both reached a peak of 16 million by 2020 is a generalization that does not accurately reflect the specific data points for each sector. To improve, ensure that the overview highlights the most significant differences between the sectors more precisely and double-check the data points to ensure they are accurately reported from the graph.
Coherence and Cohesion — Band 5.5
The essay is organized into logical paragraphs, which helps the reader follow the information. However, the use of cohesive devices is somewhat mechanical and occasionally inaccurate. For example, the transition 'In contrast .' is punctuated incorrectly, and the connection between sentences is sometimes abrupt. There are also issues with paragraphing, such as the fragmented sentence 'in 1960' left at the end of the third paragraph. To improve, focus on using a wider variety of linking words more naturally and ensure that sentences are fully completed within their respective paragraphs to maintain a smoother flow of information.
Lexical Resource — Band 5.5
The vocabulary used is adequate for the task, allowing the writer to describe trends such as 'declined', 'climbed', and 'notable rise'. However, there is a lack of variety, and some word choices are repetitive. The phrasing 'figures for retail and healthcare rise' is grammatically awkward, and the term 'calibrated in million' is not the most natural way to describe the units. To reach a higher band, try to incorporate more precise academic vocabulary to describe trends, such as 'fluctuated', 'plateaued', or 'surpassed', and ensure that collocations are used correctly to enhance the sophistication of the writing.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy — Band 5.5
The response contains a mix of simple and complex sentence structures, but there are frequent errors in grammar and punctuation that occasionally impede readability. Examples include missing articles ('in manufacturing sector'), subject-verb agreement issues ('jobs... was the highest'), and inconsistent capitalization and spacing after punctuation (e.g., 'period.however'). Additionally, some sentences are fragmented or incomplete. To improve, pay closer attention to basic grammatical rules, particularly subject-verb agreement and the correct use of articles. Proofreading for punctuation errors, such as spaces before periods and capitalization at the start of sentences, will also significantly improve the clarity of your writing.
See this exact question answered at other band scores — the same prompt compared across bands.
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