Band 5.5 IELTS Writing Task 1 Model Answer
Overall Band Score: 5.5 · Cambridge IELTS 21 · 2026-08-11
IELTS Writing Task 1 question
The graph below gives information about the number of jobs in four sectors of the economy in the US between 1960 and 2020.
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
Number of jobs in four sectors of the economy in the US, 1960-2020
Student answer (Band 5.5)
The given graph illustrate the information about the different type of jobs in the distinct employment sectors of the economy in the US over a period of 6 decades from 1960 to 2020.
Overall, it is evident that the number of employees in manufacturing and agriculture sector declined steadily throughout the period, whereas retail and healthcare jobs experienced an increasing trend in the given span of time.
Moving into more details, in 1960, manufacturing sector gradual increased by 5 millions in next 2 decades, declined after 1980 and stood at 13 millions in 2020. The number of jobs in agriculture was fell down from 6 millions to 3 millions in 1980, afterwards it showed slight fluctuation in 40 years.
Moreover, the number of jobs in retail sector, which was 5 millions in 190, saw a rapid incline to 15 millions in 2000 and then it was increased by 1 millions in 2020. Healthcare sector experienced dramatically increment to 2 millions to 16 millions in 2020. Both healthcare and retail sector's job stood at same number of jobs in 2020, which was 16 millions.
AI examiner evaluation
| Criterion | Band |
|---|---|
| Task Achievement / Task Response | 5.5 |
| Coherence and Cohesion | 6.0 |
| Lexical Resource | 5.5 |
| Grammatical Range and Accuracy | 5.5 |
| Overall | 5.5 |
Task Achievement / Task Response — Band 5.5
The response covers all four sectors and identifies the main trends, such as the decline in manufacturing and agriculture versus the growth in retail and healthcare. However, the analysis is marred by inaccurate data reporting. For example, you state that the healthcare sector grew from 2 million to 16 million, but the graph shows a different starting point. Additionally, the statement that manufacturing 'gradual increased' in the first two decades is not supported by the visual data. While the overview is clear, the lack of precision in reporting figures prevents a higher score. To improve, ensure that data points are read carefully and that comparisons are supported by accurate evidence from the graph.
Coherence and Cohesion — Band 6.0
The essay is logically organized into an introduction, an overview, and two body paragraphs. Cohesive devices such as 'Overall', 'Moving into more details', and 'Moreover' are used to signal transitions between ideas. However, the flow within paragraphs is sometimes mechanical, and the referencing is occasionally unclear, such as the phrase '190' which is a typo for 1960. Paragraphing is used appropriately, and there is a clear progression of ideas from the general overview to specific sectoral details. To reach a higher band, focus on using a wider variety of cohesive devices and ensuring that the logical links between sentences are more fluid.
Lexical Resource — Band 5.5
You demonstrate an adequate range of vocabulary for the task, using terms like 'employment sectors', 'steadily', and 'fluctuation'. However, there are several instances of incorrect word forms and awkward collocations, such as 'dramatically increment' (should be 'dramatic increase') and 'gradual increased' (should be 'gradually increased'). These errors are noticeable but do not prevent the reader from understanding the main points. To improve, pay closer attention to word forms (adjective vs. adverb) and collocations. Expanding your vocabulary to include more precise descriptors for trends would also be beneficial.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy — Band 5.5
The response contains a mix of simple and complex sentence structures. While you attempt to use complex sentences, there are frequent grammatical errors, particularly with verb tenses and subject-verb agreement, such as 'The given graph illustrate' (should be 'illustrates') and 'agriculture was fell down' (should be 'fell'). Punctuation is generally acceptable, but the frequency of these grammatical slips limits the score. To improve, focus on subject-verb agreement and ensure that you are using the correct tense when describing past trends. Proofreading for basic errors like these will significantly improve your accuracy.
See this exact question answered at other band scores — the same prompt compared across bands.
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