Band 4.0 IELTS Writing Task 1 Model Answer
Overall Band Score: 4.0 · Cambridge IELTS 21 · 2026-08-11
IELTS Writing Task 1 question
The graph below gives information about the number of jobs in four sectors of the economy in the US between 1960 and 2020.
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
Number of jobs in four sectors of the economy in the US, 1960-2020
Student answer (Band 4.0)
The number of jobs in four sectors of the economy in the US, 1960 to 2020 their was jobs in millions in previous years like in 1960 their was manufacturing 5 millions jobs in us and it was increasing upto more 5 millions in 1980 for manufacturer and in 2000 industry saw the decline in manufacturing jobs. And it was continuous till 2020 decline upto 12-13 million.but in retail marketing in 1960 it had only 6 millions jobs but in 2020 it comes upto 16 millios retails job.
It was very disappoint that was agricultural farmer jobs who's had 6 millions jobs in us but comes into 2020 it declined upto around 3 millions .last but not least the jobs of healthcare in us sector was starting from only 2 millions but in jobs of healthcare in us increasing upto 14 millions which was very important for that period and also in future according to that time because we have also facing the healthcare staff shortage in every moment. There was only two type of jobs manufacturing and agricultural jobs decline in these previous years
AI examiner evaluation
| Criterion | Band |
|---|---|
| Task Achievement / Task Response | 4.0 |
| Coherence and Cohesion | 4.0 |
| Lexical Resource | 4.0 |
| Grammatical Range and Accuracy | 4.0 |
| Overall | 4.0 |
Task Achievement / Task Response — Band 4.0
The response attempts to cover the four sectors, but the presentation of data is inconsistent and lacks clarity. While you identify some trends, the figures provided are often inaccurate or confusingly stated (e.g., 'manufacturing 5 millions jobs... increasing upto more 5 millions'). The overview is missing, and the report fails to highlight the main features or make meaningful comparisons between the sectors. The inclusion of personal commentary about healthcare staff shortages is irrelevant to an Academic Task 1 report, which requires an objective summary of the provided data. To improve, focus on identifying the highest and lowest points and describing the overall trends without adding external opinions.
Coherence and Cohesion — Band 4.0
The response lacks a logical structure. There is no clear introduction or overview, and the paragraphing is ineffective, with the second paragraph being a jumble of observations. Cohesive devices are either missing or misused, such as the repetitive use of 'in 1960' and 'in 2020' without effective linking phrases to guide the reader through the data. The transition between sentences is abrupt, and the lack of a clear progression makes the information difficult to follow. Improving the use of linking words like 'whereas', 'subsequently', or 'in contrast' would help create a more coherent flow.
Lexical Resource — Band 4.0
The vocabulary is very limited and repetitive. You rely heavily on basic terms like 'jobs', 'increasing', and 'decline'. There are frequent errors in word formation and collocation, such as 'retail marketing' (instead of retail sector), 'agricultural farmer jobs', and 'it comes upto'. The phrasing is often unnatural, which hinders the clarity of the report. To reach a higher band, you need to use a wider range of vocabulary related to data description, such as 'fluctuated', 'remained stable', 'peaked', or 'experienced a downward trend', and ensure accurate word choice.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy — Band 4.0
The grammar is weak, with frequent errors that often impede communication. There are significant issues with subject-verb agreement (e.g., 'their was jobs'), tense usage, and sentence structure. Many sentences are run-on or fragmented, such as 'It was very disappoint that was agricultural farmer jobs who's had 6 millions jobs'. Punctuation is also inconsistent, with missing commas and incorrect capitalization. The range of structures is limited to simple sentences, and attempts at more complex constructions are consistently inaccurate. Focusing on basic sentence construction and proofreading for subject-verb agreement would be a good starting point.
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