Band 5.5 IELTS Writing Task 1 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 5.5 · Cambridge IELTS 21 · 2026-08-11

IELTS Writing Task 1 question

The graph below gives information about the number of jobs in four sectors of the economy in the US between 1960 and 2020.

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

Number of jobs in four sectors of the economy in the US, 1960-2020

Student answer (Band 5.5)

The line graph illustrates the data of the employment (in millions) in four different sectors of the economy in US from 1960 to 2020.

In 1960, the career provided by manufacturing was highest at 15 million whered the retail and agriculture provided the 6 million jobs in the economy therefore healthcare was lowest at about 2 million. The employment surged to 20 million in 1980 and the retail showed the upward trend and reached at 10 million, the agriculture sector showed a downward trend and reached at 3 million, whereas therefore healthcare re employments reached at 5 million.

In 2000, manufacturing showed a dow decline by 5 million and retail sector reached at 15 million, moreover healthcare sho climbed to 12 million therefore agriculture remain stable. whereas in 2020 retail and healthcare spi jumped to 16 million

On the other hand manufacturing and agriculture declined and reached at 13 million and 2 million respectively.

In conclusion, the manufacturing and retail contributed the large number of provider and had a downfall and retail and healthcare were the highest source of occuption in 2020.

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response — Band 6.0

You have successfully identified the main trends and provided data points for the four sectors. However, the response lacks a clear overview, which is essential for a Band 7 or higher. While you mention some figures, the analysis is somewhat fragmented, and the conclusion repeats information rather than synthesising the key trends. To improve, ensure you include a clear 'overview' paragraph immediately after the introduction that highlights the most significant changes across the period, such as the overall growth in healthcare and retail versus the decline in manufacturing and agriculture.

Coherence and Cohesion — Band 5.5

The essay is organised into paragraphs, which helps the reader follow the structure. However, the use of cohesive devices is often mechanical or inaccurate, such as the repetitive use of 'therefore' and 'whereas' in inappropriate contexts (e.g., 'whereas therefore healthcare'). Some sentences feel disjointed, and the logical flow between the data points is occasionally interrupted by awkward phrasing. To improve, focus on using a wider variety of linking words more naturally and ensure that each paragraph has a clear thematic focus rather than just listing data points.

Lexical Resource — Band 5.5

Your vocabulary is generally adequate for the task, but there are several instances of word-choice errors and awkward phrasing, such as 'career provided by manufacturing' instead of 'employment in the manufacturing sector' and 're employments'. You also have some spelling and typographical errors like 'dow decline' and 'sho climbed'. To reach a higher band, focus on using more precise terminology related to trends, such as 'fluctuated', 'peaked', or 'remained stagnant', and ensure you use nouns and verbs correctly in context.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy — Band 5.5

The response contains a mix of simple and some complex sentence structures, but there are frequent grammatical errors that occasionally impede clarity. Issues include incorrect verb forms, missing articles (e.g., 'in US'), and awkward sentence construction (e.g., 'retail and healthcare spi jumped'). Punctuation is also inconsistent, particularly with the misuse of commas and run-on sentences. To improve, focus on subject-verb agreement and proofreading for basic errors. Practising the use of complex sentences with correct subordinating conjunctions will help improve your range and accuracy.

See this exact question answered at other band scores — the same prompt compared across bands.

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