Band 4.5 IELTS Writing Task 1 Model Answer
Overall Band Score: 4.5 · Cambridge IELTS 21 · 2026-08-11
IELTS Writing Task 1 question
The graph below gives information about the number of jobs in four sectors of the economy in the US between 1960 and 2020.
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
Number of jobs in four sectors of the economy in the US, 1960-2020
Student answer (Band 4.5)
The graph shows the number of jobs in four sectors of the US economy between 1960 and 2020.
manufacturing jobs increased at first but then decreased. In contrast, retail and healthcare jobs increased over the period. Agriculture had the lowest number of jobs by 2020.
there are four sectors 1960 and 2020.
Manufacturing, Retail agriculture and healthcarde.
in 1960 manufacturing had about 15million jobs retail 7million jobs agriculture 7million jobs and healthcare 3million jobs.in 1980 manufacturing had about 2million jobs retail 10million jobs agriculture 3million jobs and health care 5million jobs.in 2000 manufacturing had about 17million jobs retail 15million jobs agriculture 3million jobs and health care is 12million jobs.
in 2020 manufacturing had about 13million jobs retail 16million jobs agriculture 3million jobs and healthcare is 16million jobs.
agriculture and healthcare is same ratio in 2020
the top ratio of manufacturing is 20million jobs in 1980.
AI examiner evaluation
| Criterion | Band |
|---|---|
| Task Achievement / Task Response | 4.5 |
| Coherence and Cohesion | 4.0 |
| Lexical Resource | 4.5 |
| Grammatical Range and Accuracy | 4.5 |
| Overall | 4.5 |
Task Achievement / Task Response — Band 4.5
The response fails to meet the minimum word count requirement of 150 words, which significantly impacts the score. While the main features are identified, the presentation is fragmented and lacks a cohesive overview. The data reporting is mechanical, consisting mostly of a list of figures rather than a synthesis of trends. The analysis of the data is also inconsistent, with some figures appearing inaccurate compared to standard interpretations of such graphs. To improve, you must group information logically, provide a clear summary of the overall trends, and ensure the response meets the length requirement to allow for full development of the task.
Coherence and Cohesion — Band 4.0
The response lacks logical paragraphing and structure. It is presented as a series of disjointed sentences and lists rather than a coherent report. There is a lack of cohesive devices to link ideas, and the progression of information is confusing. The use of bullet-point-like lists within the text makes the flow difficult to follow. To improve, you should organize your writing into clear paragraphs: an introduction, an overview of the main trends, and two body paragraphs focusing on specific comparisons. Use linking words like 'whereas', 'subsequently', and 'in contrast' to connect your ideas.
Lexical Resource — Band 4.5
The vocabulary is very basic and repetitive, relying heavily on simple structures like 'increased' and 'had'. There are spelling errors such as 'healthcarde' and issues with capitalization. The range of vocabulary is insufficient to describe trends or comparisons effectively. To improve, try to incorporate a wider variety of verbs and nouns to describe data, such as 'fluctuated', 'peaked', 'remained stable', or 'experienced a significant decline'. Avoid repeating the same sentence structures and ensure you use precise terminology for economic sectors.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy — Band 4.5
The grammar is characterized by frequent errors in sentence structure, punctuation, and capitalization. Many sentences are fragments or run-on sentences, such as 'in 1960 manufacturing had about 15million jobs retail 7million jobs...'. There is a lack of complex sentence structures, and the control over basic grammar is inconsistent. To improve, focus on writing complete sentences with a subject and a verb. Practice using conjunctions to combine simple sentences into more complex ones, and pay close attention to punctuation and capitalization rules.
See this exact question answered at other band scores — the same prompt compared across bands.
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