Band 4.0 IELTS Writing Task 1 Model Answer
Overall Band Score: 4.0 · Cambridge IELTS 21 · 2026-08-13
IELTS Writing Task 1 question
The graph below gives information about the number of jobs in four sectors of the economy in the US between 1960 and 2020.
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
Number of jobs in four sectors of the economy in the US, 1960-2020
Student answer (Band 4.0)
The graph shows the information about jobs sector in united state in four sectors from [redacted phone] to summarize and make an economy report on four sectors in united states
in 1960 the jobs in manufacture sector reached 15 million apply for this then it just massive increase in 20 years in 1980 it reached on 20million of people like to apply for this job it slightly less interest after 20year it reached on 17million of people applied and in 20220 is less then 15million
in 1960 the jobs in retail sector reached 6million of people just apply for retail job after 20 year it massive spike seen in a graph which reached on 10million of people then the spike just up till 2020 and it will Reached on 17million
in 1960 the agriculture jobs start from 3 million and It reached on 5 million in 1980 and having massive spike till 2020 and it will reach 17 million
in 1960 the healthcare jobs reached 7millions of people just applied for this but after that having a massive drop of people which is 3 million it is just gone same in 40 years
AI examiner evaluation
| Criterion | Band |
|---|---|
| Task Achievement / Task Response | 4.0 |
| Coherence and Cohesion | 4.5 |
| Lexical Resource | 4.0 |
| Grammatical Range and Accuracy | 4.0 |
| Overall | 4.0 |
Task Achievement / Task Response — Band 4.0
The response attempts to address the task but fails to provide a clear overview or identify the main trends. The information is presented as a list of data points rather than a summary of key features. Furthermore, the data interpretation is inconsistent and contains significant inaccuracies compared to the provided graph (e.g., the description of healthcare and agriculture trends). The response lacks a comparative analysis, which is essential for Task 1. To improve, you must identify the most significant trends, such as the overall growth or decline of specific sectors, and group information logically rather than listing every sector individually.
Coherence and Cohesion — Band 4.5
The essay is divided into paragraphs, but the logical progression is weak. There is a lack of cohesive devices to link ideas, and the transitions between sentences are repetitive and mechanical. The use of referencing is unclear, and the structure feels like a series of disconnected statements rather than a cohesive report. To improve, use linking words such as 'whereas', 'in contrast', or 'subsequently' to connect your observations and ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that introduces the main trend for that sector.
Lexical Resource — Band 4.0
The vocabulary is very limited and repetitive, relying heavily on basic phrases like 'reached on' and 'massive spike'. There are frequent errors in word choice and collocation, such as 'apply for this job' instead of 'employment in this sector'. The spelling of 'united state' and '20220' further detracts from the quality of the writing. To reach a higher band, you should aim to use a wider range of vocabulary related to data description, such as 'fluctuated', 'remained stable', 'experienced a sharp decline', or 'accounted for'.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy — Band 4.0
The response contains frequent grammatical errors that often impede communication. There is a lack of control over basic sentence structures, with many run-on sentences and missing articles. Verb tense usage is inconsistent, particularly when describing past and future trends. Punctuation is also problematic, with a lack of capitalisation and missing full stops. To improve, focus on mastering simple sentence structures first, ensuring subject-verb agreement and correct tense usage, before attempting more complex grammatical forms.
See this exact question answered at other band scores — the same prompt compared across bands.
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