Band 5.5 IELTS Writing Task 1 Model Answer
Overall Band Score: 5.5 · Cambridge IELTS 21 · 2026-08-14
IELTS Writing Task 1 question
The graph below gives information about the number of jobs in four sectors of the economy in the US between 1960 and 2020.
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
Number of jobs in four sectors of the economy in the US, 1960-2020
Student answer (Band 5.5)
The line graph illustrates number of jobs in four sectors Manufacturing, Retail, Agriculture and Healthcare in the US economy between 1960 and 2020.
Overall, In 1960 Manufacturing sector has more jobs as compared to other sectors. By the 2020 the jobs increased in Healthcare and retail sectors but In Agriculture rate of employment remain same.
In 1960 Manufacturing sector has more jobs as compared to other sectors. Around 15 millions of people work in Manufacturing sector by 1960 while only 2 million people work in Healthcare and 5 million workers work in Agriculture and retail sector. By the time rate of employment decreased in Manufacturing sector whereas it increased in Healthcare.
By the 2020 the jobs increased in retail and Healthcare sector but the rate of employment remains same in Agriculture sector. About 16 million of workers work in retail and Healthcare sector by 2020 while only 3 million people work in Agriculture and 13 million work in Manufacturing. Rate of employment steadily increased in service sector whereas employment rate in Agriculture remain unchanged throughout the years.
AI examiner evaluation
| Criterion | Band |
|---|---|
| Task Achievement / Task Response | 5.5 |
| Coherence and Cohesion | 6.0 |
| Lexical Resource | 5.5 |
| Grammatical Range and Accuracy | 5.5 |
| Overall | 5.5 |
Task Achievement / Task Response — Band 5.5
The response covers all four sectors and identifies the main trends, such as the decline in manufacturing and the growth in healthcare. However, the report suffers from significant inaccuracies regarding the data. For instance, you state that '15 million' people worked in manufacturing in 1960, but the graph shows a different figure, and your claim that '16 million' work in retail and healthcare by 2020 is not clearly supported by the visual data provided. Furthermore, the repetition of information between the third and fourth paragraphs makes the summary less efficient. To improve, ensure your data points are precise and avoid repeating the same trends in different sections of the essay.
Coherence and Cohesion — Band 6.0
The essay is organised into paragraphs, which helps the reader follow the structure. However, the progression of ideas is hindered by repetitive content. You mention the manufacturing sector's decline and the agriculture sector's stability in both the third and fourth paragraphs. While you use some cohesive devices like 'whereas' and 'by the time', the flow is somewhat mechanical. To reach a higher band, focus on grouping information logically—perhaps by comparing sectors that grew versus those that declined—rather than repeating the same observations in different parts of the text.
Lexical Resource — Band 5.5
The vocabulary is adequate for the task but lacks variety and precision. You frequently use basic phrases like 'more jobs', 'increased', and 'remain same'. There is also a lack of precision in reporting figures, which impacts the overall quality. To improve, try to incorporate more sophisticated vocabulary related to trends, such as 'fluctuated', 'plummeted', 'surged', or 'remained stagnant'. Additionally, ensure correct collocations; for example, instead of 'rate of employment remain same', use 'employment levels remained constant'. Expanding your range of synonyms will help you achieve a higher score.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy — Band 5.5
The response contains a mix of simple and some complex sentence structures. However, there are frequent grammatical errors that occasionally distract the reader. Common issues include subject-verb agreement (e.g., 'Manufacturing sector has' instead of 'had'), missing articles (e.g., 'illustrates number of jobs'), and tense inconsistencies (e.g., 'remain same' instead of 'remained the same'). While these errors do not completely impede communication, they are frequent enough to limit the score. Focus on proofreading for basic tense consistency and ensuring that articles are used correctly before nouns.
See this exact question answered at other band scores — the same prompt compared across bands.
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