Band 5.5 IELTS Writing Task 1 Model Answer
Overall Band Score: 5.5 · Cambridge IELTS 21 · 2026-08-17
IELTS Writing Task 1 question
The graph below gives information about the number of jobs in four sectors of the economy in the US between 1960 and 2020.
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
Number of jobs in four sectors of the economy in the US, 1960-2020
Student answer (Band 5.5)
The line graph illustrates the major changing happened in four sectors of jobs; manufacturing, retail, agriculture and healthcare from 1960 to 2020 in the US economy.
Overall, manufacturing had the highest number of jobs for most of the period, although it declined in the pervious year, while retail and agriculture started giving stagnant number of jobs but agriculture had given the least jobs in prior year, therefore retail and healthcare had given massive number of jobs in the last year, even though healthcare had given lowest jobs in the starting year.
In 1960, healthcare had given the lowest jobs around 3 million, meanwhile agriculture and retail had given same amount of jobs around 6 million, on the contrary, healthcare and retail gradually rise and had given the highest jobs approximately 16 million. However, agriculture had provided the minimum jobs in 2020 same as healthcare has in 1960.
Therefore, manufacturing had provided the highest number of jobs around the given period with 15, 20 and 17 million in year 1960, 1980 and 2000 respectively. Besides, in 2020 it declined and gave the second lowest jobs around 13 million.
AI examiner evaluation
| Criterion | Band |
|---|---|
| Task Achievement / Task Response | 5.5 |
| Coherence and Cohesion | 5.5 |
| Lexical Resource | 5.0 |
| Grammatical Range and Accuracy | 5.0 |
| Overall | 5.5 |
Task Achievement / Task Response — Band 5.5
The response covers the main features of the graph, identifying the trends for the four sectors. However, the analysis is somewhat inconsistent and occasionally inaccurate. For instance, the statement that manufacturing 'declined in the pervious year' is vague, and the description of the trends for retail and healthcare is confusingly phrased. While you have identified the start and end points, the comparison between sectors lacks precision. To improve, ensure that your data points are clearly linked to the correct years and avoid using repetitive or imprecise language like 'given the least jobs'. Focusing on clear, comparative language will help you better highlight the key differences between the sectors.
Coherence and Cohesion — Band 5.5
The essay is organised into paragraphs, which helps the reader follow the structure. However, the use of cohesive devices is often mechanical or misused. Phrases like 'on the contrary' and 'therefore' are used in contexts where they do not logically connect the ideas. Additionally, the referencing is sometimes unclear, making it difficult to track which sector is being discussed. To reach a higher band, focus on using transition words that accurately reflect the relationship between your ideas, such as 'whereas' for contrast or 'subsequently' for chronological progression, rather than relying on a limited set of connectors.
Lexical Resource — Band 5.0
The vocabulary is somewhat repetitive, particularly the phrase 'given the... jobs', which is used throughout the text. This limits your ability to describe trends with precision. While you have attempted to use some topic-specific vocabulary, the word choices are often unnatural or inaccurate, such as 'major changing happened' instead of 'major changes occurred'. To improve, try to vary your verbs (e.g., 'fluctuated', 'plummeted', 'surpassed') and nouns to describe the data more effectively. Expanding your range of collocations will help you convey information more fluently and accurately.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy — Band 5.0
There is a mix of simple and complex sentence structures, but the accuracy is inconsistent. You frequently struggle with verb tenses and subject-verb agreement, such as 'healthcare had given the lowest jobs' and 'retail and agriculture started giving stagnant number'. There are also issues with punctuation and article usage. While the errors do not completely impede communication, they are frequent enough to distract the reader. Focusing on consistent tense usage—specifically the past simple for historical data—and ensuring correct article usage will significantly improve the clarity and professional tone of your writing.
See this exact question answered at other band scores — the same prompt compared across bands.
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