Band 5.5 IELTS Writing Task 1 Model Answer
Overall Band Score: 5.5 · Cambridge IELTS 21 · 2026-08-18
IELTS Writing Task 1 question
The graph below gives information about the number of jobs in four sectors of the economy in the US between 1960 and 2020.
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
Number of jobs in four sectors of the economy in the US, 1960-2020
Student answer (Band 5.5)
THE GRAPH OUTLINES THE INFORMATION ABOUT THE NUMBER OF JOBS IN FOUR DIFFERENT SECTORS IN THE US FROM 1960 TO 2020.
EVIDENTLY, RETAIL AND HEALTHCARE SECTORS WITNESSED UPWARD TREND.WHILE, MANUFACTURING AND AGRICULTURE DOMAINS EXPERIENCED DOWNWARD TREND.
TO BE SPECIFIC, THERE WERE MORE JOBS IN MANUFACTURING INITIALLY AT AROUND 15 MILLION JOBS AND GREW UPTO 20 MILLION JOBS IN 1980. WHEREAS JOBS IN RETAIL SECTOR WERE LEAST AMONG ALL GROUPS, SHOWCASED JUST BELOW 3 MILLION JOBS
THE GRAPH DELINEATES THE INFORMATION ABOUT THE NUMBER OF JOBS IN FOUR DIFFERENT SECTORS IN THE US FROM 1960 TO 2020.
EVIDENTLY, JOBS IN THE RETAIL AND HEALTHCARE SECTORS EXPERIENCED CONSIDERABLE GROWTH THROUGHOUT THE PERIOD. WHEREAS, TRAJECTORIES FOR MANUFACTURING AND AGRICULTURE JOBS DISPLAYED DRASTIC DECREASE.
TO BE SPECIFIC, JOBS RELATED TO MANUFACTURING DOMAIN WERE IN MAJORITY INITIALLY AT 15 MILLION JOBS, PEAKING AT 20 MILLION JOBS. AFTERWARDS, THERE WAS A GRADUAL DECREASE AND REGISTERED FOR 13 MILLION JOBS IN 2020.
MEANWHILE, THE DATA FOR BOTH AGRICULTURE AND RETAIL STARTED AT 6 MILLION JOBS. BUT THE LINES DIVEREGED THEREAFTER AND EMPLOYMENT IN AGRICULTURE SHOWCASED SLIGHT DOWNFALL WITH JUST BELOW 5 MILLION JOBS IN 1980. WHILE RETAIL FIELD REPRESENTED WITH A SHARP RISE AT AROUND 15 MILLION JOBS IN 2020.
TALKING ABOUT THE STATISTICS FOR HEALTHCARE JOB OPPRTUNITIES, IT WAS THE LEAST PREFERED SECTOR AMONG ALL THE CATEGORIES. RECORDS REFLECTED DRAMATIC RISE THROUGHOUT THE TIMEFRAME, CLIMBING TO 16 MILLION JOBS. THE ASPECTS FOR FARMING JOBS SAW A MODERATE DECLINE TILL 1980 AND FIGURES REMAINED PLATUED, HOVERING BELOW 3 MILLION JOBS.
AI examiner evaluation
| Criterion | Band |
|---|---|
| Task Achievement / Task Response | 5.5 |
| Coherence and Cohesion | 5.0 |
| Lexical Resource | 5.5 |
| Grammatical Range and Accuracy | 5.5 |
| Overall | 5.5 |
Task Achievement / Task Response — Band 5.5
The response covers all four sectors and identifies key trends such as the growth in retail and healthcare and the decline in manufacturing and agriculture. However, the report contains significant repetition; the first two paragraphs are essentially restated in the subsequent paragraphs. This redundancy detracts from the professional quality of the report. While the main features are highlighted, the data presentation is sometimes confusing, particularly regarding the starting points and the specific figures for 1980 versus 2020. To improve, ensure that the overview is concise and that the body paragraphs present data points clearly without repeating information or contradicting previous statements.
Coherence and Cohesion — Band 5.0
The essay is poorly structured due to the inclusion of a redundant introductory section. The student essentially writes the essay twice, which disrupts the logical flow and progression of ideas. While some cohesive devices are used (e.g., 'To be specific', 'Meanwhile', 'Whereas'), their effectiveness is undermined by the repetitive nature of the text. Paragraphing is present, but the content within the paragraphs is disjointed. To reach a higher band, the student must avoid repeating the introduction and ensure that each paragraph contributes new information, following a clear, linear progression from the overview to the detailed data analysis.
Lexical Resource — Band 5.5
The vocabulary is generally adequate for the task, with some attempts at more sophisticated phrasing such as 'delineates', 'trajectories', and 'diverged'. However, there are several instances of awkward word choice and collocation errors, such as 'registered for 13 million jobs', 'represented with a sharp rise', and 'aspects for farming jobs'. Additionally, there are minor spelling errors like 'OPPRTUNITIES' and 'PLATUED'. The range is sufficient to convey the main points, but the lack of precision and the repetitive nature of the vocabulary limit the score. Focusing on accurate collocations and avoiding repetitive phrasing would significantly improve the lexical score.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy — Band 5.5
The response uses a mix of simple and complex sentence structures, but there is a high frequency of grammatical errors. Issues include missing articles (e.g., 'witnessed upward trend'), incorrect preposition usage, and awkward phrasing (e.g., 'it was the least prefered sector'). The use of capital letters for the entire first half of the response is inappropriate for formal writing. While the meaning is generally clear, the persistent errors in grammar and punctuation prevent the response from reaching a higher band. Improving control over articles, subject-verb agreement, and sentence construction is essential for better accuracy.
See this exact question answered at other band scores — the same prompt compared across bands.
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