Band 5.5 IELTS Writing Task 1 Model Answer
Overall Band Score: 5.5 · Cambridge IELTS 21 · 2026-08-18
IELTS Writing Task 1 question
The graph below gives information about the number of jobs in four sectors of the economy in the US between 1960 and 2020.
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
Number of jobs in four sectors of the economy in the US, 1960-2020
Student answer (Band 5.5)
The line graph illustrates the employment rate in four economic sectors in the United States in 60-year period between 1960 and 2020.
Overall, it shows the fluctuation in the line graph of 4 sectors on the basis of job rate. In the year 1960, manufacturing and agriculture decreased gradually, but on the place retail and healthcare increases more rapidly.
To begin with, In the year 1960, manufacturing contributes about 15 million job opportunities, but it decreases after 60 years remains only 13 million. Gradually increase is showed in retail as firstly, it was only about 6 million whereas it contributes about 15 million job opportunities in the year 2020.
Furthermore, Agriculture showed dramatically decrease half of total job production from year in between 1960 to 2020. However, healthcare sector showed a surge at the end of about 15 million in year 2020. this showed rapid increase of about 10 million number of job production.
AI examiner evaluation
| Criterion | Band |
|---|---|
| Task Achievement / Task Response | 5.5 |
| Coherence and Cohesion | 5.5 |
| Lexical Resource | 5.5 |
| Grammatical Range and Accuracy | 5.5 |
| Overall | 5.5 |
Task Achievement / Task Response — Band 5.5
The response addresses the task by identifying the four sectors and describing their trends. However, the analysis is somewhat superficial and contains inaccuracies. For instance, the claim that manufacturing 'decreases after 60 years remains only 13 million' is a vague interpretation of the data, and the description of agriculture as having a 'dramatically decrease half of total job production' is unclear and lacks precision. While the main features are identified, the comparison between sectors is underdeveloped. To improve, ensure that data points are cited accurately and that the relationship between the sectors is explained more clearly to provide a more comprehensive overview of the trends.
Coherence and Cohesion — Band 5.5
The essay is organised into paragraphs, which helps the reader follow the structure. However, the use of cohesive devices is often mechanical or inaccurate, such as 'on the place retail and healthcare increases' and 'this showed rapid increase'. The logical progression between sentences is sometimes disjointed, making the flow feel slightly unnatural. While there is an attempt to use linking words like 'To begin with' and 'Furthermore', the internal cohesion within paragraphs needs to be strengthened to ensure that ideas connect more fluidly and logically throughout the response.
Lexical Resource — Band 5.5
The vocabulary is generally adequate for the task but lacks the precision and variety required for a higher band. There are several instances of awkward phrasing and word choice, such as 'job rate' instead of 'employment levels' and 'job production' instead of 'number of jobs'. Additionally, the repetition of basic verbs like 'showed' and 'increases' limits the range. To achieve a higher score, you should focus on using more academic collocations and precise terminology related to data description, such as 'fluctuation', 'downward trend', or 'significant growth'.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy — Band 5.5
The response contains a mix of simple and some complex sentence structures, but there are frequent grammatical errors that occasionally impede clarity. Examples include subject-verb agreement issues ('manufacturing contributes... but it decreases', 'healthcare sector showed... this showed'), tense inconsistencies, and awkward sentence construction ('on the place retail and healthcare increases'). Punctuation is also inconsistent, particularly with the use of capital letters after commas. While the meaning is generally understandable, the frequency of these errors suggests a need for more careful proofreading and a better grasp of basic sentence structure.
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