Band 6.0 IELTS Writing Task 1 Model Answer
Overall Band Score: 6.0 · Cambridge IELTS 21 · 2026-08-19
IELTS Writing Task 1 question
The graph below gives information about the number of jobs in four sectors of the economy in the US between 1960 and 2020.
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
Number of jobs in four sectors of the economy in the US, 1960-2020
Student answer (Band 6.0)
The illustration expresses the data about the figure of occupations in four different regions of the economy in US from 1960 to 2020.
The manufacturing sector had more jobs in 1960 as compared to other departments, but in 2020, both healthcare and retail sectors have the highest numbers of jobs, while healthcare had the least numbers of jobs in 1960. Retail and agriculture had the equal amount of jobs in 1960.
In 1960, manufacturing sector had 15 million jobs, which was relatively increased in 1980 at 20 million, and from 1980 manufacturing sector faced sharp decrease and in 2020, number of employees were 13 million. Both retail and agriculture had 6 million job, but retail sector progressed in every decade and stood at 16 million in 2020. While agriculture saw heavy downfall and figure of 2 million remained in 2020. At last, healthcare had least number of jobs in 1960 equal to almost 2 million, and saw development in its sector over the past few decades, and in 2020 it held the same figure of 16 million equal to retail sector.
AI examiner evaluation
| Criterion | Band |
|---|---|
| Task Achievement / Task Response | 6.0 |
| Coherence and Cohesion | 6.0 |
| Lexical Resource | 5.5 |
| Grammatical Range and Accuracy | 5.5 |
| Overall | 6.0 |
Task Achievement / Task Response — Band 6.0
The response covers all four sectors and identifies the main trends, such as the decline in manufacturing and agriculture alongside the growth in retail and healthcare. However, the overview is slightly weak; while you mention the 2020 figures, it would be more effective to highlight the overall shift in the economy from manufacturing to service-based sectors. The data is generally accurate, though the phrasing 'figure of 2 million remained in 2020' for agriculture is slightly confusing given the graph shows a decline. To improve, ensure your overview captures the 'big picture' trends rather than just listing specific data points.
Coherence and Cohesion — Band 6.0
The essay is logically organized into an introduction, an overview paragraph, and a body paragraph detailing the trends. The progression of ideas is clear, moving from a general comparison to specific sector analysis. However, the use of cohesive devices is somewhat mechanical. Phrases like 'At last' are not ideal for academic writing; 'Finally' or 'In terms of' would be more appropriate. Additionally, some transitions between sentences feel abrupt. Improving the variety of linking words and ensuring smoother transitions between the different sectors would help elevate the coherence of the response.
Lexical Resource — Band 5.5
You have a sufficient range of vocabulary to convey the main features of the graph, such as 'sharp decrease', 'heavy downfall', and 'progressed'. However, there are some inaccuracies in word choice and collocation. For example, 'the figure of occupations' is unnatural; 'the number of jobs' or 'employment levels' would be better. Similarly, 'regions of the economy' should be 'sectors of the economy'. While the vocabulary is adequate for the task, it lacks the precision and sophistication required for higher bands. Focus on using more academic collocations and avoiding repetitive phrasing.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy — Band 5.5
The response uses a mix of simple and complex sentence structures. There are several grammatical errors, particularly with articles ('the manufacturing sector', 'the retail sector') and subject-verb agreement ('healthcare had the least numbers', 'retail and agriculture had the equal amount'). Some sentences are slightly awkward, such as 'which was relatively increased in 1980 at 20 million'. While these errors do not impede communication, they occur frequently enough to prevent a higher score. To improve, pay closer attention to article usage and ensure that your verb tenses consistently reflect the past time frame of the data.
See this exact question answered at other band scores — the same prompt compared across bands.
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