Band 5.0 IELTS Writing Task 1 Model Answer
Overall Band Score: 5.0 · Cambridge IELTS 21 · 2026-08-19
IELTS Writing Task 1 question
The graph below gives information about the number of jobs in four sectors of the economy in the US between 1960 and 2020.
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
Number of jobs in four sectors of the economy in the US, 1960-2020
Student answer (Band 5.0)
This graph illustrates information about the numbers of jobs in four different sectors of economy in US between 1960 and 2020
Overall , it is clearly seen that retail and healthcare has highest number of jobs . While, individuals had least percentage of job in agriculture . And number of jobs in manufacturing is fluctuated .
From the fleeting glance it is vivid , that healthcare had highest percentage of jobs in US . It starts from 3 million of jobs in 1960 and it goes to 16 millions of jobs in healthcare sector in 2020 . Moreover , retail also had highest number of job it starts from 5 millions of jobs in 1960 and it increased with 16 millions of job in 2020.
However , numbers of jobs in manufacturing is fluctuated it starts from 15 millions in 1960 and increased by 20 millions in 1980, but it suddenly decreased by 12 millions of job in 2020 .Futhermore , numbers of job in retail in 1960 is 5 millions , but it suddenly declined in number of jobs about 2 million in 2020
AI examiner evaluation
| Criterion | Band |
|---|---|
| Task Achievement / Task Response | 5.0 |
| Coherence and Cohesion | 5.5 |
| Lexical Resource | 5.0 |
| Grammatical Range and Accuracy | 5.0 |
| Overall | 5.0 |
Task Achievement / Task Response — Band 5.0
The response covers the main features of the graph, but there are significant inaccuracies in the data reporting. For example, you state that retail jobs declined to 2 million in 2020, which contradicts the visual data. Additionally, the description of manufacturing trends is confusing and mathematically inconsistent. While you identify the four sectors and provide a general overview, the lack of precision in reporting the figures prevents a higher score. To improve, ensure that you carefully cross-reference your written data with the graph to avoid factual errors, and focus on clearly distinguishing between the trends of the four distinct sectors.
Coherence and Cohesion — Band 5.5
The essay is organised into paragraphs, but the logical flow is hindered by repetitive phrasing and awkward transitions. Phrases like 'From the fleeting glance it is vivid' are unnatural and do not effectively guide the reader. While you use some cohesive devices such as 'However' and 'Moreover', they are often used incorrectly or in a mechanical way. The paragraphing is present, but the internal structure of the paragraphs lacks a clear progression of ideas. Improving the use of linking words and ensuring that each paragraph has a clear thematic focus would enhance the overall coherence.
Lexical Resource — Band 5.0
The vocabulary is somewhat limited and repetitive, relying heavily on basic terms like 'number of jobs' and 'increased'. There are also issues with word choice and collocation, such as 'individuals had least percentage of job' and 'it goes to 16 millions'. The use of 'vivid' and 'fleeting glance' is inappropriate for an academic report. To reach a higher band, you should aim to use a wider range of vocabulary to describe trends, such as 'fluctuated', 'peaked', or 'remained stable', and ensure that you use plural and singular forms correctly when discussing data points.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy — Band 5.0
The response contains frequent grammatical errors, particularly with articles ('in US', 'in healthcare sector') and subject-verb agreement ('retail and healthcare has', 'manufacturing is fluctuated'). There is a lack of variety in sentence structures, with most sentences following a simple, repetitive pattern. Punctuation is also inconsistent, with unnecessary spaces before commas. While the meaning is generally understandable, the frequency of errors is high enough to cause some difficulty for the reader. Focusing on basic sentence construction and proofreading for article usage would significantly improve your accuracy.
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