Band 5.5 IELTS Writing Task 1 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 5.5 · Cambridge IELTS 21 · 2026-08-20

IELTS Writing Task 1 question

The graph below gives information about the number of jobs in four sectors of the economy in the US between 1960 and 2020.

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

Number of jobs in four sectors of the economy in the US, 1960-2020

Student answer (Band 5.5)

the linear representation demonstrates the data related to total employment in various sectors of the finance in the US between 1960 and 2020.moreover number is given in millions

Overall, most number of recruiters were employed in manufacturing sector till 2000. However, the employers in agriculture sector remain lowest among given time period. Moreover, total employment in retail and healthcare sector was less in initial years but it kept on increasing till 2020.

In 1960,15 million employers were recruited in manufacturing sector and reached 20 million till 1980.However figure had a sharp drop of approximately 7 million till 2020. In 1960, 6 million recruiters were employed in agriculture field and it had a steady drop of approximately 4 million in 1980.moreover, figure remain levelled off till 2020. Furthermore, there were 6 million workers in retail sector and number kept on rise till 2000 and reached 15 million and there was no change in number till 2020.Moreover, there were just 2.5 million employers in healthcare and it had a sharp rise of 12 million workers till 2020

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response — Band 5.5

The response covers the main features of the graph, identifying trends across the four sectors. However, there are significant inaccuracies in data reporting. For instance, you state that manufacturing reached 20 million in 1980, but the graph shows it peaking earlier. Furthermore, you consistently confuse 'employers' (the people who hire) with 'employees' (the workers), which misrepresents the data. While the overview is present, the lack of precision in data interpretation and the misuse of terminology prevent this from reaching a higher band. To improve, ensure you carefully distinguish between the subject of the data and the actual figures provided.

Coherence and Cohesion — Band 6.0

The essay is organised into logical paragraphs, with an introduction, an overview, and body paragraphs. However, the use of cohesive devices is often mechanical and sometimes repetitive, such as the frequent use of 'moreover' and 'furthermore'. Additionally, some sentences lack clear logical flow, such as the transition between the manufacturing and agriculture sectors. Paragraphing is present, but the internal cohesion within paragraphs could be improved by using a wider variety of linking words and ensuring that referencing is clear and consistent throughout the text.

Lexical Resource — Band 5.5

The vocabulary is generally adequate for the task, but there are persistent errors in word choice that impede precision. The most notable issue is the confusion between 'recruiters'/'employers' and 'employees' or 'workers'. Using 'recruiters' to describe the number of jobs is inaccurate. There is also some repetition of basic verbs like 'employed' and 'reached'. To achieve a higher score, you should focus on using more precise terminology related to economic data, such as 'workforce', 'personnel', or 'employment figures', and avoid repeating the same sentence structures.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy — Band 5.5

The response uses a mix of simple and complex sentence structures, but there are frequent grammatical errors. Punctuation is often inconsistent, particularly with missing spaces after commas (e.g., '1960,15'). There are also errors with articles ('in manufacturing sector' instead of 'in the manufacturing sector') and subject-verb agreement. While the meaning is generally clear, these recurring errors in basic grammar and punctuation limit the score. Focusing on proofreading for articles and ensuring consistent spacing after punctuation would significantly improve the quality of your writing.

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