Band 4.5 IELTS Writing Task 1 Model Answer
Overall Band Score: 4.5 · Cambridge IELTS 21 · 2026-08-20
IELTS Writing Task 1 question
The graph below gives information about the number of jobs in four sectors of the economy in the US between 1960 and 2020.
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
Number of jobs in four sectors of the economy in the US, 1960-2020
Student answer (Band 4.5)
The graph illustrate the number of jobs in our four sectors of the economy in the sectors between 1960 and 2020.
overall, expendature in Manufacturing job sector steadily throughout the period but fluctuated in Agriculture. Despite this, the total jobs sectors in economy higher in manufacturing.
The Manufacturing jobs economy is received just under 20 millions in 1980, which fell to around 14 billion in 2000 and 2020. After a slight decrease in 2020, there was a massive resurgence to a high point of more than 20 billion in 1980. Healthcare job economy is received just under 15 million in 2020, which fell to around 2 million in 1960.
In the 1960, Retail sector around 16 billion reached more than 15 billion then the rose significantly to approximately 15 million in around 2020. Before telling back to 1980 level in 2000 in 2020, there was another dramatic increase to just below 15 million respectively.
AI examiner evaluation
| Criterion | Band |
|---|---|
| Task Achievement / Task Response | 4.0 |
| Coherence and Cohesion | 5.0 |
| Lexical Resource | 5.0 |
| Grammatical Range and Accuracy | 4.5 |
| Overall | 4.5 |
Task Achievement / Task Response — Band 4.0
The response attempts to summarize the graph, but it fails to accurately report the data. There are significant factual errors, such as confusing 'millions' with 'billions' and misinterpreting the trends shown in the graph. The overview is confusing and does not clearly highlight the main features or trends. The data points mentioned are often contradictory or incorrect, which makes it difficult for the reader to understand the actual information presented in the graph. To improve, you must focus on accurately transcribing the data and identifying the most significant trends, such as the overall growth or decline of specific sectors, rather than listing isolated, inaccurate figures.
Coherence and Cohesion — Band 5.0
The essay is organized into paragraphs, but the logical progression is weak. The use of cohesive devices is often mechanical or misused, such as the phrase 'Despite this' which does not logically connect the preceding and following ideas. The referencing is unclear, and the transition between sentences is often abrupt. The lack of clear structure makes the information difficult to follow. To improve, ensure that each paragraph has a clear focus and use linking words more naturally to connect your ideas. Ensure that your sentences flow logically from one to the next, creating a coherent summary of the data.
Lexical Resource — Band 5.0
The vocabulary is limited and often inaccurate. There is frequent misuse of terms, such as 'expendature' instead of 'employment' or 'number of jobs', and the confusion between 'millions' and 'billions' significantly impacts the clarity of the report. Some words are used in contexts that do not make sense, such as 'telling back'. The range of vocabulary is insufficient to describe the trends effectively. To improve, focus on learning specific collocations related to data description, such as 'a steady increase', 'a significant decline', or 'fluctuated between'. Avoid using technical terms incorrectly.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy — Band 4.5
The response contains frequent grammatical errors that impede communication. There are issues with subject-verb agreement ('The graph illustrate', 'Healthcare job economy is received'), incorrect verb tenses, and sentence fragments. The structure of the sentences is often awkward, making the meaning unclear. There is a lack of complex sentence structures, and the errors in basic grammar are persistent throughout the text. To improve, focus on mastering basic sentence construction, ensuring subject-verb agreement, and using correct verb tenses when describing past and present data. Proofreading for simple errors like missing articles or incorrect plurals will also help.
See this exact question answered at other band scores — the same prompt compared across bands.
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