Band 5.5 IELTS Writing Task 1 Model Answer
Overall Band Score: 5.5 · Cambridge IELTS 21 · 2026-08-24
IELTS Writing Task 1 question
The graph below gives information about the number of jobs in four sectors of the economy in the US between 1960 and 2020.
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
Number of jobs in four sectors of the economy in the US, 1960-2020
Student answer (Band 5.5)
The bar graph represents the information about the number of jobs within a four sectors of economy available in US in 1960 and 2020.
The graph overall shows that manufacturing went up higher, retail and healthcare increased, however agriculture declined from 1969 to 1980. Whereas retail and healthcare rates raised as compared to manufacturing and agriculture in 2000 to 2020, however agriculture rate dropped constantly.
In 1960, manufacturing rate of jobs were about 15% which later went up higher to 20% in 1980, however it decreased from 17% in 2000 and 13% in 2020, while retail rates went up from 6% in 1960 to 10% in 1980 while in 2000 and 2020 it increased from 15% to 16%.
Agriculture rate in 1960 was about 5%, whereas it further declined from 3% to 2%. On the other hand, healthcare increased from 2% in 1960, which further exceed from 5% to 16%.
AI examiner evaluation
| Criterion | Band |
|---|---|
| Task Achievement / Task Response | 5.0 |
| Coherence and Cohesion | 5.5 |
| Lexical Resource | 5.5 |
| Grammatical Range and Accuracy | 5.5 |
| Overall | 5.5 |
Task Achievement / Task Response — Band 5.0
The response covers the main features of the graph, but the analysis is hindered by significant inaccuracies in reporting the data. For instance, you mention agriculture declined from 1969 to 1980, but the graph only provides data for 1960 and 2020. Furthermore, the figures cited for manufacturing and retail in the body paragraphs do not consistently align with the visual data provided. While you attempt to make comparisons, the lack of precision in data reporting means the task is only partially addressed. To improve, ensure that every figure mentioned is accurately extracted from the graph and that you clearly distinguish between the years provided.
Coherence and Cohesion — Band 5.5
The essay is organised into paragraphs, which helps the reader follow the structure. However, the logical progression is often disrupted by confusing transitions and unclear referencing. For example, the phrase 'whereas retail and healthcare rates raised as compared to manufacturing and agriculture in 2000 to 2020' is difficult to follow because the comparison is not clearly linked to the specific data points. Cohesive devices are used, but they are sometimes mechanical or misused, such as the repetitive use of 'however' and 'while' to connect unrelated clauses. More variety and precision in linking words would improve the flow.
Lexical Resource — Band 5.5
The vocabulary is generally adequate for the task but lacks the precision required for a higher band. You rely on basic verbs like 'went up' and 'increased' repeatedly. There are also issues with word choice and collocation, such as 'manufacturing rate of jobs were' (should be 'the percentage of jobs in manufacturing was') and 'further exceed from 5% to 16%'. These errors occasionally make the meaning slightly opaque. To achieve a higher score, try to incorporate more varied reporting verbs and precise terminology related to trends, such as 'fluctuated', 'surpassed', or 'remained stable'.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy — Band 5.5
The response contains a mix of simple and complex sentence structures, but there are frequent grammatical errors that occasionally impede clarity. Common issues include subject-verb agreement ('manufacturing rate... were'), incorrect preposition usage, and awkward phrasing ('went up higher'). Punctuation is generally functional, but the sentence structure is often repetitive. To improve, focus on mastering basic subject-verb agreement and ensuring that complex sentences are constructed with correct grammatical markers. Reducing the frequency of these errors will significantly enhance the readability of your writing.
See this exact question answered at other band scores — the same prompt compared across bands.
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