Band 6.0 IELTS Writing Task 1 Model Answer
Overall Band Score: 6.0 · Cambridge IELTS 21 · 2026-08-30
IELTS Writing Task 1 question
The graph below gives information about the number of jobs in four sectors of the economy in the US between 1960 and 2020.
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
Number of jobs in four sectors of the economy in the US, 1960-2020
Student answer (Band 6.0)
The, line graph below illustrates the information about various types of jobs in four different sectors of the economy. In a country between 1960 to 2020.
Overall, the visual data depicts that jobs are mentioned in millions, and healthcare and retail experienced a steady growth over the sixty years, while manufacturing and agriculture generally declined.
In 1960, Manufacturing was the dominant sector, employing 15million people. and leading its peak point with 20million individuals. Furthermore, retailing sector was having high demand from the starting and till the year 2000 witnessed with 15 million people, In 2010, it surpasses the line of manufacturing and reached its peak with 17 million humans.
On the other hand, Agriculture started at 6 million jobs in 1960, and fell sharply to 3million in 1980, and then decreased slightly to finish 2 million in 2020, remaining the smallest sector, Besides this, healthcare saw the most significant rise . Starting at just 2 million in 1960, and it continued to reach approximately 16million by 2020.
AI examiner evaluation
| Criterion | Band |
|---|---|
| Task Achievement / Task Response | 6.0 |
| Coherence and Cohesion | 6.0 |
| Lexical Resource | 6.0 |
| Grammatical Range and Accuracy | 5.5 |
| Overall | 6.0 |
Task Achievement / Task Response — Band 6.0
The response covers all four sectors and identifies the main trends, such as the growth in healthcare and retail versus the decline in manufacturing and agriculture. However, the overview is slightly hindered by awkward phrasing, and some data points are imprecise or confusingly presented, such as the reference to '17 million humans' instead of 'jobs'. While the main features are selected, the analysis lacks a more sophisticated comparison between the sectors. To reach a higher band, ensure that the overview clearly contrasts the overall trajectories of the sectors and maintains consistent terminology throughout the report.
Coherence and Cohesion — Band 6.0
The essay is organised into logical paragraphs, with an introduction, an overview, and two body paragraphs. Cohesive devices such as 'Furthermore', 'On the other hand', and 'Besides this' are used to link ideas. However, the flow is occasionally disrupted by mechanical errors in punctuation and sentence structure, such as the fragmented sentences in the third paragraph ('In 1960, Manufacturing was the dominant sector... and leading its peak point...'). Improving the transition between sentences and ensuring that cohesive devices are used to connect complete, grammatically sound thoughts would improve the overall coherence.
Lexical Resource — Band 6.0
The range of vocabulary is adequate for the task, using terms like 'dominant sector', 'steady growth', and 'sharply'. However, there are instances of unnatural word choice, such as '17 million humans' instead of '17 million jobs' or '17 million people'. Additionally, some phrasing is repetitive or slightly imprecise, such as 'witnessed with 15 million people'. To improve, focus on using more precise collocations related to data description and avoid informal or inaccurate descriptors when referring to statistical figures.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy — Band 5.5
The response uses a mix of simple and complex sentence structures, but there are frequent errors in punctuation and grammar that occasionally impede readability. For example, the opening sentence is fragmented ('The, line graph below... In a country between 1960 to 2020.'), and there are issues with comma usage and sentence boundaries throughout the text. While the meaning is generally clear, the frequency of these errors prevents the writing from reaching a higher band. Focusing on basic sentence construction and proofreading for punctuation errors would significantly enhance the quality of the writing.
See this exact question answered at other band scores — the same prompt compared across bands.
Browse more IELTS Writing model answers or get your own writing scored by the same AI examiner.