Band 5.5 IELTS Writing Task 1 Model Answer

Overall Band Score: 5.5 · Cambridge IELTS 21 · 2026-09-01

IELTS Writing Task 1 question

The graph below gives information about the number of jobs in four sectors of the economy in the US between 1960 and 2020.

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

Number of jobs in four sectors of the economy in the US, 1960-2020

Student answer (Band 5.5)

The graph depicts data about the amount of jobs which were divided into four different segments of US economy from 1960 to 2020.

Overall, what stand out from the graph is that there were considerable upward trends in the job sector of both healthcare and retail, while agriculture showed gradual fall over the whole period. Another interesting point is manufacturing sector was the most popular job in first 20 years then it fell down significantly.

Looking at the details, as regards retail sector started with having around 6 million in 1960 and rose dramatically till 2000 with having 15 million jobs, along with from 2000 to 2020 it showed a minor increase with having approximately 16 million. Healthcare sector showed similar upward trends, in 1960 lesss then 5 million people are engaged with healthcare jobs and experienced a significant growth over 15 million till 2020.

In contrast, manufacturing field started with having the highest number of employment which was 15 million and rose sharply to 20 million in 1980, however from 1980 to 2020 it experienced dramatic decrease, dropped from 20 million to nearly 13 million which is lower than healthcare and retail. Another field is agritulture which was not popular from the very beginning, 1960 only 6 million people are working in these site from that day it dropped off considerablely and ended up with having only 3 million workers in 2020.

AI examiner evaluation

Task Achievement / Task Response — Band 6.0

You have successfully identified the main trends and provided a clear overview of the data. You covered all four sectors and made relevant comparisons, such as noting the shift in the manufacturing sector's popularity. However, the response could be improved by ensuring the data points are more precise. For example, stating 'over 15 million' for healthcare is accurate, but the description of the manufacturing sector's peak in 1980 and subsequent decline is well-handled. To reach a higher band, ensure that all figures are clearly linked to their respective years to avoid ambiguity.

Coherence and Cohesion — Band 5.5

The essay is logically organized into an introduction, an overview, and two body paragraphs. You use some cohesive devices like 'In contrast' and 'Another interesting point' to guide the reader. However, the flow is occasionally hindered by repetitive phrasing, such as 'with having' used multiple times. The transition between sentences could be smoother; for instance, the connection between the retail and healthcare descriptions in the third paragraph feels a bit mechanical. Improving the variety of linking words and avoiding repetitive sentence structures would enhance the overall coherence.

Lexical Resource — Band 5.5

You demonstrate a sufficient range of vocabulary to convey the main trends, using terms like 'upward trends', 'dramatically', and 'sharply'. However, there are some inaccuracies in word choice and collocation, such as 'amount of jobs' (should be 'number of jobs') and 'these site' (should be 'these sectors'). Additionally, the phrase 'with having' is used repeatedly, which limits the sophistication of your writing. To improve, try to vary your verbs and avoid redundant phrasing, focusing on more precise academic collocations.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy — Band 5.0

You use a mix of simple and complex sentence structures, but there are frequent grammatical errors that occasionally distract the reader. Issues include tense inconsistency (e.g., 'are engaged' instead of 'were engaged'), missing articles, and awkward phrasing like 'lesss then 5 million'. While these errors do not completely impede communication, they are persistent. To improve, focus on subject-verb agreement and consistent tense usage when describing past data. Proofreading for minor errors like 'agritulture' and 'considerablely' will also help improve your score.

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