Band 5.5 IELTS Writing Task 1 Model Answer
Overall Band Score: 5.5 · Cambridge IELTS 21 · 2026-09-01
IELTS Writing Task 1 question
The graph below gives information about the number of jobs in four sectors of the economy in the US between 1960 and 2020.
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
Number of jobs in four sectors of the economy in the US, 1960-2020
Student answer (Band 5.5)
The graph illustrates the details about the economy in America in four sectors of jobs between the year 1960 to 2020.
Overall, in the beginning of the year, the job rates of retail, healthcare and manufacturing increased while agricultural decreased while over the end of the period, the manufacturing declined while agricultural remains stable and then got decreased.
In terms of retail and healthcare, the number of jobs in 1960 was around 5.2 to 0.3 million respectively. they continued to rose up and in 1980, the job rate increased up to 5 and 10 million respectively. While in 2000 it rose up to around 10.2 and 15 million and contributed to the economy of US around 15 million in 2020.
Furthermore, the job rates of manufacturing fluctuated as it was 15 million in the beginning and continued to increase up to 20 million in the year 1980. It diminished to around 15.2 million in the starting of twenty first century but again goes on decreasing in 2020. while job rates in agricultural was around 5.1 million in 1960, they remain stable between 1980 to 2000. and there was a slight decline in it till 2020.
AI examiner evaluation
| Criterion | Band |
|---|---|
| Task Achievement / Task Response | 5.5 |
| Coherence and Cohesion | 5.5 |
| Lexical Resource | 5.5 |
| Grammatical Range and Accuracy | 5.5 |
| Overall | 5.5 |
Task Achievement / Task Response — Band 5.5
The response covers all four sectors and identifies the main trends, such as the growth in retail and healthcare versus the decline in agriculture. However, the overview is somewhat confusingly phrased, particularly the reference to 'the beginning of the year' and the contradictory description of manufacturing trends. Some data points are imprecise or misstated, such as the claim that retail and healthcare started at 5.2 and 0.3 million respectively, which does not align clearly with the visual data. To improve, ensure that the overview provides a clear, accurate summary of the most significant trends without including unnecessary detail, and double-check the accuracy of the figures cited from the graph.
Coherence and Cohesion — Band 5.5
The essay is organised into paragraphs, but the logical flow is hindered by awkward transitions and repetitive sentence structures. While some cohesive devices are used, such as 'Furthermore' and 'In terms of', they are sometimes applied mechanically. The referencing is occasionally unclear, such as the use of 'they' in the third paragraph, which makes it difficult to track which sector is being discussed. To improve, focus on using a wider variety of linking words and ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that guides the reader through the data logically.
Lexical Resource — Band 5.5
The vocabulary is generally adequate for the task, but it lacks the precision required for a higher band. There are several instances of word-choice errors, such as 'continued to rose up' (should be 'continued to rise') and 'diminished to' (which is slightly unnatural in this context). The range of vocabulary is somewhat limited, relying on basic verbs like 'increased' and 'rose'. To improve, incorporate more precise reporting verbs and nouns, such as 'fluctuated', 'surged', 'plummeted', or 'a significant growth', and pay closer attention to the correct form of verbs following 'to'.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy — Band 5.5
The response contains a mix of simple and complex sentence structures, but there are frequent grammatical errors that occasionally impede clarity. Examples include subject-verb agreement issues ('agricultural remains stable'), incorrect verb tenses ('they continued to rose up'), and punctuation errors, such as unnecessary full stops in the middle of sentences. The use of prepositions is also inconsistent. To improve, focus on mastering basic sentence construction, particularly the correct use of past tense for historical data and ensuring that subjects and verbs agree. Proofreading for common slips will also help increase the accuracy of your writing.
See this exact question answered at other band scores — the same prompt compared across bands.
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